New Weekly Features

Throwback week has ended. Having served its purpose, I no longer need it and have banished it to the frozen wastelands from whence it came. I now feel relaxed and refreshed and am prepared to provide the throngs of Transformer Generation Dad fans with the meaty, bloggy sustenance that they so desired in the form of brand new posts. And what better way to achieve that than by updating the weekly features? That was a rhetorical question. If there is a better way, I don't want to know about it because I've already decided this is the best way.

Our new top five lists chronicles the top five things that can ruin a fishing trip:

5. Lack of fish - Whether it is due to the lack of optimal breeding spots on the particular lake or your lack of angling prowess, taking a trip expressly meant for fishing and then catching next to nothing can be pretty frustrating, but by far not the worst thing that could happen provided the scenery is still good.

4. Surplus of insects - Particularly mosquitoes and biting flies. Gnats and ants are just annoying and dragonflies are actually welcome because they eat the biting and stinging varieties of bugs and look cool as hell.

3. Humidity - Humidity results in more bugs and packs the extra sucky bonus of causing sitting on a lake in the sun to be absolutely miserable. Good luck if your lodge/cabin isn't air conditioned.

2. Crowds/Water-skiers/Tubers - And I ain't talkin' 'bout potatoes! Fishing, in my mind anyway, is about patience and serenity. Few things interrupt that like a speedboat zipping by with screaming water-skiers and people on giant inflatable tubes dragging behind.

1. Running out of beer - Nothing kills a fishing trip like opening the fridge/cooler and finding no more beer. If you are really out in the wilderness where buying more is impractical, you might as well just pack up and head home.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is a private lake. You could control at least two of the above five issues by stocking it regularly and restricting access. The closest you may get is the little pond behind the houses in your gated community, but you don't own it exclusively and it's probably not large enough to make it satisfying even if you did own the whole thing.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you refer to aquatic plants by their proper names. It is unacceptable in your mind to call them all seaweed. Even being more specific and saying reeds, cattails and lilly pads isn't enough for you. Instead, you comment on the Typha latifolia near the shore, the Nuphar Lutea that the bass might be hiding beneath and the completely submerged Myriophyllum hippuroides that might indicate larger predatory species are lurking nearby to feed.

This week's nemesis is people who drive slowly in the left lane. This holds true particularly on two-lane highways. If you're not passing somebody, get in the right lane! I've got a kid in my back seat who is going to soil his shorts if I don't make that next rest stop five miles away in under two minutes!

This week's lesson learned is that packing extra beer at the start of your road trip is always a sound technique. You end up with extra space on the way home for souvenirs, you are less likely to have to interrupt your family fun to restock in the middle of the vacation and you have an excuse to drink more beer. "Honey, I don't want to have to take this back home."

This week's equation is a refresher algebra lesson that comes in handy on road trips:

Distance (d) equals rate (r) times time (t). I've even taken the liberty of converting it to the other potential equations. Now you are sure to be able to approximate how long it'll take you to get somewhere, how far you've already been and how fast you need to go or have been going.

This week's Star Wars quote is: "They must never again leave this city."

That's all for now. Expect new posts for the rest of the week. It's good to be back. Thanks for reading.