Behind the Curtain of the Selection Committee

We here at Transformer Generation Dad strive for transparency or at least translucency.  To be honest, we rarely have to strive for it at all.  It seems to come naturally.  My wife tells me all the time how easy it is to figure out exactly what I'm thinking.


Still, with the 2012 Geek Tournament bracket now posted, there is bound to be controversy over the seedings.  Thus, in an unprecedented, behind the scenes look, we have decided to provide our readers with an opportunity to take a glimpse into the minds of myself and the selection committee and reveal some of the comments we exchanged regarding the seeding of this year's contestants.


Be forewarned, this is meant only to be a glimpse into our minds.  Stare too long and you may go blind...



Universe:

1. Star Trek: The Next Generation -  Who wouldn’t want to live in Gene Rodenberry’s utopian society?  Especially the updated version with holodecks and such.
2. Star Trek: The Original Series -  Same as TNG, but with less respect for women.  For those fans of Madmen.
3. Doctor Who - Endless possibilities and timeline.  The biggest concern here would be the constant nagging feeling that you've missed something....and the Daleks.
4. Futurama - New New York looks like a lot of fun.  A cartoon version of Coruscant.
5. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - A traveler's paradise.  Tons of possible locations, great dinner theater and you can pack really light.  All you really need is a towel.
6. Babylon 5 - No offense, but it's kind of the poor man's version of the Star Trek universe.  It focuses more on the complexity of the story.
7. 2001: A Space Odyssey - The most plausible of the settings should maybe rank higher but it lacks the flash of some of the others.
8. Mass Effect - A huge galaxy populated with interesting species and fantastic settings.  From this point in the rankings on, however, there is the constant threat of a malicious, powerful entity to take the fun out of it all.  Impending enslavement and destruction by a race of ancient machines is a slight drawback in this universe, but at least you are well equipped to fight against it.
9. Star Fox - If there has to be unspeakable evil, at least there are cool talking animals to battle it.
10. Firefly -  The Old West in space and the government is a sinister totalitarian organization participating in human research and covering up their techniques at all costs.  But for the most part a man can avoid it and make a living off on his own, provided he can avoid the Reavers.
11. Farscape - Another universe where the grip of an oppressive, evil empire exists, but without a cool theme, like Old West or animals...get it?
12. Star Wars -  Hugely advanced technology, myriad alien species, billions of inhabited worlds.  The movies have only scratched the surface.  It pains us to rank it so lowly, but the existence of a space station with enough firepower to disintegrate an entire planet with a single shot is a massive drawback.
13. Battlestar Gallactica -  Hard to be enthusiastic about a scenario in which the last survivors of humanity are forced into the role of nomad refugees fleeing relentless machines.  There's not even the possibility of selling out and striking an accord with the enemy.  They just want you gone.
14. Mystery Science Theater 3000 - Not being physically tortured or mutilated is good, but being stuck on a ship you cannot control and being forced to watch terrible movies is hardly better.
15. Alien -  Space travel takes decades and is dominated by a soulless bureaucratic corporation that, for some reason, insists on trying to bring killer Aliens to Earth.
16. The Matrix -  If you are lucky, you have the choice between being an organic battery or living as underground vermin.  Not exactly uplifting.

Ships:

1. Millennium Falcon - I highly respect statistics and this is the only ship that has any information available that I know of.  If you can show me another vessel that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs, I'd be willing to hear your argument.  Otherwise, as far as I know, this is the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy.
2. Starship Enterprise NCC-1701-D -  Bigger, faster, more heavily armed than the original and with a detachable saucer section.
3. Moya (& biologically connected Pilot) - A star-spanning, living behemoth with the added bonus ability to spawn little ships.  Kind of gross, yet so cool.
4. TARDIS - Multi-dimensional call box with no need to clock speeds because it makes time irrelevant.  Also makes it very easy to find parking.
5. Starship Enterprise NCC-1701 - For the classic car enthusiast.
6. Serenity - The standard Firefly class freighter is like the Falcon without so many upgrades, but more secret storage spaces for smuggling.
7. Normandy - Cloaking device, highly maneuverable.  Let’s hope we get to fly it in the third game.
8. Gallactica -  The battered old warhorse is the last hope of humanity.
9. Heart of Gold - It possesses a cutting edge, first of its kind engine in the Infinite Improbability Drive, but it has major reliability issues.
10. Planet Express Cargo Ship - Animated cargo ship with little firepower.  Cool color scheme, though.
11. Nebuchadnezzar - The best name of any of the ships, but is more of a submarine, really.
12. Babylon 5 - What it lacks in maneuverability it makes up for in size.  Makes it easier to find a place to get away from those crew members who are really annoying you.
13. Discovery One - If NASA would get off its ass, we might actually be able to build this one.  The build in homicidal navigation system out to be phased out of the next model, though.
14. Great Fox - Most bad-ass collection of triangles I have ever seen!
15. Nostromo - Another good name and a great setting for a horror movie.  Not much of a ship, though.
16. Satellite of Love - Wouldn't be a bad place to visit, but you can't steer it...or leave.

Captains:

1. James Tiberius Kirk - There is only ONE captain of the Enterprise!  Let the nasty emails commence.
2. Malcolm Reynolds - His image seems to owe a great deal to Han Solo, but I think his moral compass is a bit better calibrated and I've seen him perform pretty well in hand to hand combat where Han relies on his blaster.  That makes him a damn fine captain.
3. Han Solo - His coolness rivals even that of James T. Kirk.
4. Morpheus - Kung-fu master, philosopher, and Captain.  Besides, it's Lawrence Fishburne!!
5. Jean-Luc Picard - He's no Kirk, but his steady nerves and deep Shakespearian actors voice have to put him in the top 5.
6. Doctor Who - Two words: Time Lord.
7. Leela - People may be scandalized, but what is better than a hot, one-eyed, badass mutant chick?  Besides, I am big Katie Segal fan.
8. Commander Shepard - Good guy?  Bad guy?  Good girl?  Bad girl?  Would rank higher if we could pin down his/her scruples...and gender.
9. John Sheridan - Would have to be more of a politician than a captain to command an entire floating city in space.  Still, it must take some resolve.
10. William Adama - Would you trust this man to squire the shattered remnants of mankind across the stars?  I would.
11. Joel Robinson - Trapped in an orbiting movie theater and forced to watch crappy movies by evil scientists, he manages to create his own robot companions and turn the tables with humor.  He’s dreamy!
12. Fox McCloud - An awesome pilot sure, but do his leadership skills match up with the others on the list?
13. Crichton - Awesome character, but let’s face-it, Moya is kind of run as a collective, he’s not a pure captain type.
14. Dr. David Bowman - Intrepid astronaut but is really only considered captain because the computer killed the other guy.
15. Zaphod Beeblebrox - The alcoholic, drug-addled ex-President of the Universe as captain of MY ship?  I don’t think so.
16. Dallas - Sure, go to pieces while your corporate masters pull the strings, leaving your third officer to destroy the killer entity that has taken your ship.  Loser!

Crews:

1. Spock, Bones, Uhura, Scotty, Sulu & Chekov - The greatest collection of star-farers ever assembled.
2. Ripley, Lambert, Brett, Kane, Ash & Parker - Why ranked so high?  Two words- Ellen Ripley!!  She should’ve been the captain.
3. Chewbacca - If you're going with just one crew member, remember some sound advice someone once gave me: Let the Wookie win.
4. Zoe, Wash, Kaylee & Jayne -  Hard to beat this hard scrabble crew of misfits…and I dare you to find a first mate hotter than Zoe!
5. Aeryn Sun, Ka D’Argo, Chiana, Rygel XVI & Zhaan - Killer commando, proud tribal warrior, sneak thief and assassin, plant-based mystic…er…pudgy former monarch?  Still a group to contend with.
6. Neo, Trinity, Cypher, Apoc, Dozer, Tank, Mouse & Switch - They’d be so much cooler if they weren’t so damn pretentious.  Having a traitor in your midst also brings your value down, but having the chosen one aboard is a definite plus.
7. Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy, Cambot & Mystery Voice - I don’t know how they’d hold up in a fight, but for endless hours of cruising through the void, you couldn’t ask for better companions.
8. Kaiden Alenko, Ashley Williams, Garrus Vikarian, Joker, Tali, Wrex & Liara Tsoni - Very tough crew, but you can only bring two of them with you at a time.
9. Starbuck, Apollo, Dr. Balter, #6 & #8 - Starbuck (regardless of gender) is one of the more classic hot shot pilot types, especially with that name, but I have a real hard time trusting those Cylons.
10. Riker, Data, Worf, Counselor Troi, Geordi & Dr. Crusher - The awesomeness of Data and Worf is seriously compromised by the lameness of Riker and Troi.  I feel pain!
11. Falco, Slippy & Peppy -  I said this before but… If there has to be unspeakable evil, at least there are cool talking animals to battle it.  But Slippy constantly seems to need bailing out.
12. Sarah Jane Smith & K-9 - Cute and helpful, but too often in desperate need of rescue.
13. Babylon 5 - A whole city has to have some cool alien folks in it...right?
14. Marvin the Paranoid Android - Pretty knowledgable and even deadly when need be, but that constant whining knocks him near the bottom.
15. Fry and Bender-  I suppose if I had to have a ship crewed by morons and alcoholics these would be the two I picked.
16. Frank Poole & HAL-9000 - Half your crew consists of a homicidal, paranoid computer?  Fail.

There you have it.  This is our best case for the seeding.  Whether you agree with it or not in another matter.  Comments, feedback and angry rants are welcome.