Did I Just Hear The Weekly Features I Thought I Heard

Welcome to Transformer Generation Dad’s weekly features.

This week’s top five is things my sons didn’t know I overheard them say:

5. If you tell daddy on me, I’m just gonna say you did it.

4. I know what the worst swear word is…the C word.

3. Let’s play bar. Want some whiskey?

2. Christ be with you. Would you like butter on that?

1. Sh!t (after dying on Super Mario Bros.)

This week’s cool ass thing you’ll never own is Jack Bauer’s bag. Should you get your hands on it, he will no doubt track you down, kill you and take it back. This will probably not even take him twenty-four hours. This sounds like one of the smaller storylines that would arise in the final twenty minutes of one episode and resolved within the first five minutes of the next.

This week’s sign you are a nerd is that you listen to and sort of identify with Ben Folds. I’m not explaining this.

This week’s nemesis is Justin Bieber’s hair. My heart breaks every time one of my sons’ friends asks if a piece of Beatles’ memorabilia has anything to do with him.

This week’s lesson learned is not to read while walking through the kids’ play area. You never know what they’ve left for you to step on.

And finally, this week’s Star Wars quote is: “Ready are you? What know you of ready?”

Hope everybody has been enjoying the Memorial Day weekend. To all those military personnel out there, thank you for serving.