Sale on Weekly Features

I seem to be making a habit out of updating the weekly features late. Don't judge me! Let's just get right into it.

This week's top 5 is stores I find it impossible not to buy something in:

5 - Game Stop: The pre-owned (or as I just call them, "used") section always calls to me, and if my sons are with me and notice the pre-owned DS shelves, it's over.

4 - Target: They have a pretty good toy section, a decent video game section, and tend to have Marvel and Star Wars t-shirts. They play to my vices. Should they ever sell beer on tap for while you're shopping, I may just live there.

3 - Lego Store: Come on. It's the Lego Store.

2 - Toys R Us: At least target has a million other products there so that I can distract myself and pretend I'm an adult by venturing into the kitchenware or automotive section. At Toys R Us, I have nowhere to go to escape temptation.

1 - Borders: I don't think I have ever set foot in a Borders without leaving with at least one book.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is Cerebro. Telepathic mutants can harness its brainwave augmenting powers to locate other mutants around the world. You, however, are just a geek. You might be able to locate the other geeks around the world, but why waste the money on Cerebro when you could do that just as easily by noticing people with pit stains on their Star Wars t-shirts.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you've worn a lab coat for any reason other than a Halloween costume. It's totally cool that you had that research assistant position in college. It just also means you're a nerd. Sorry.

This week's nemesis is sports radio. During the football season I can listen to this stuff nonstop. However, it causes my sons to become very bored and me to not hear their in-car conversations with me because, for some reason, I need to hear the keys to next week's game on a tuesday afternoon and it can't wait.

This week's lesson learned is that you can't have too much toilet paper around your house. Go ahead, buy it every time you see it on sale. When you realize you ran out in the middle of conducting some business, you'll never want to feel that way again.

This week's equation is:

w subscript h is wins for my home team, w subscript y is wins for the Yankees, u is the number of teams making the playoffs that are considered underdogs, and I is my interest level in the MLB postseason.

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is "The boy is dangerous. They all sense it; why can't you?"

Thanks for reading.