Hurry-Up Features

Here I sit, furiously typing away at my computer in order to produce this week's features during halftime of the Bears-Packers game.  Since that didn't happen, I will instead be running back and forth from television to desktop as the second half has already begun.

So in the interest of time, this week's top five list is songs I regret downloading on iTunes:

5. Against All Odds by Phil Collins - How is it I downloaded this but not In the Air Tonight?  I am truly ashamed.

4. Life in a Northern Town by The Dream Academy - This is one of those songs you haven't heard in forever then you have to have because you randomly heard it on the radio.  I should have just waited a few more years to hear it again on the radio.

3. Shots by LMFAO - Terrible.

2. Tik Tok by Ke$ha - I downloaded this at my wife's request.  I should have made her do it herself out of principle.

1. Say by John Mayer - Again a song my wife asked me to download.  Lame.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is the all-seeing Eye of Agamotto.  Doctor Strange's medallion, which endowed him with the powers of the Sorcerer Supreme can see through all manners of disguise, lies and trickery.  Could come in handy when buying a new car.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you are the administrator of more than one Facebook group chastising Facebook for changing its format.  Each time they make an update, you form a new group and circulate virtual petitions to turn back the clock to the old version.  Keep fighting the good fight you rebel you.

This week's nemesis is school drop-off double parkers.  So your kid getting out of the car immediately in front of the doors is worth making every car in line behind you wait, huh?  Just pull over in the first available space and let your kids walk a few extra feet.  I have a bed to get back to at home.

This week's lesson learned is to pose the question of what everyone would like for dinner to your kids in multiple choice form.  List only the locations you are willing to get food from or McDonald's will inevitably be the write in selection every damn time.  How many McNuggets can one kid possibly eat?

This week's equation is...

The number of times you will step on Lego bricks per day (T) is determined by taking the square root of the total number of bricks owned (b) and multiplying that by the product of your shoes size (s) divided by the area in square feet of the room in question (a) and the product of the number of kids you have (k) divided by the average age in years of said kids (y).

This week's Star Wars quote is, "You make it so difficult sometimes."

That's all for now.  Back to the game.  Go Bears!