Monday, June 25, 2012

The Most Hated of Features

Transformer Generation Dad is nearly done with its sports related ranting and prepared to resume regular posting, but let's hold on to the fervor just long enough to let it infect our weekly features.  It begins with the top five athletes I love to hate...

5. Aaron Rodgers - It would be enough for some that he stole my beloved Bears' shot at a Superbowl title in the 2011 NFC Championship Game.  Hell, it would be enough that he is a Packer for most Bears' fans.  But I never hated Brett Favre the way I hate Rodgers and that is because of the celebration.  That stupid heavyweight title belt motion he does after touchdowns really makes me wish bad things on the man.

4. Lebron James - Once again, more than what he means to my hometown team's shot at a title, I despise this guy for the way he carries himself, the things he says, his classless demeanor.  Any athlete that walks off a court without shaking the hands of the team that beat him is enough to make me dislike him forever.  Add the self-important decision announcement, the pep rally, the sour grapes comments and you have one of sports' current biggest douche bags.

3. Isaiah Thomas - So he hasn't been in the league for a long time.  Still, this goes back to the not shaking hands after a loss thing.  It also to do with being cocky, sexist and turning your back on a good friend once he is diagnosed with HIV.  How's that front office gig working out for you Isaiah?  Oh, never mind.

2. Barry Bonds - The real shame is that this guy was a five tool, complete, hall of fame caliber player hands down before he started juicing.  Then his head and feet grew in his mid-thirties and he started hitting home runs at a super human rate.  Claiming innocence and treating the general public like their stupid clinched it.

1. Mark McGwire - This one is personal.  As a kid, I worshiped Big Mac.  He was always a big guy so I even held out hope in the midst of the steroid scandal that maybe he wasn't taking performance enhancing drugs.  Then his weeping, non-denial testimony clinched it and I was done.  You suck, cheater.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is the Blues Mobile.  It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic-inch plant. It's got cop tyres, cop suspension, cop shocks.  It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas.  Now all you have to do is fix the cigarette lighter...that is if you can still find an old '74 Dodge Monaco and have the time to refurbish it to look like a Mount Prospect Police car.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you spend your summer exchanging books with your friends.  "You've read it?  Can I borrow it?  You haven't read that?  I'll loan it to you."  While others are getting out and enjoying the weather by participating in outdoor activities, you sit and read as you watch all the others participate in outdoor activities.

This week's nemesis is overzealous sports dads.  You came close to that college scholarship and almost got signed by that minor league team.  Lucky for your son you have that knowledge in your head and are ready to impart it upon him while he plays whether he wants it or not.  Who is he to deny you the opportunity to live vicariously through him?  Ingrate.

This week's lesson learned is that fear is the path to the Dark Side.  Yoda told me, but I finally realized it for myself.  Fear leads to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering.  I was too bling to see it before, but I swear I'll change my ways.

This weeks analysis is all about the initials

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is, "I don't know what all this trouble is about but I'm sure it must be your fault."

Thanks for reading.

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