Tuesday, September 25, 2012

All New Features

Sure, you know about the panoramic photo option and the larger screen, but our weekly features plan on revealing some of the lesser known iPhone 5 features to all of you in order to help assist you in making your decision about whether to update or not...

5. Invisibility cloak app - This is only available with the 5.  You can't just update the operating system on your 4 or 4S and expect to sneak into the ladies locker room unnoticed.

4. The auto-correct now improves your Facebook posts - Having a hard time coming up with something clever but feel like it's been to long since you last posted a status?  Don't worry.  The spell check engine has been expanded to recognize lame posts about your family pet and change them into trendy song lyrics that totally express your attitude on life.

3. Siri wakes you up to talk - Your high tech personal assistant has become a little more pushy on its way to evolving into GLaDOS.  If you haven't used Siri for 48 hours, it will wait until you have just begun to fall asleep then sigh and ask aloud, "Why don;t you talk to me anymore?"

2. The new adapter conceals a sonic screwdriver - The iPhone 5 requires a new plug.  This has resulted in a great gnashing of teeth amongst loyal customers who have all sorts of old plug accessories.  What they aren't telling you is that Apple has decided to reward the adapter purchasers with their own version of the Time Lord's handy dandy tool.

1. Google no longer secretly monitors your movements through the maps icon...Apple does - It's one thing to watch my every move, but it's another to allow an outside corporation to do it.  Kudos to Apple for finally being its own Big Brother.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is this retro-video game room which I mentioned earlier in the week...

Absolutely, sickeningly, jealousy-inducingly amazing.

Our sign you are a nerd this week is that you are already behind schedule on making your Halloween costume for this year.  Of course you would have been on schedule if they had that one item in your size online.  Instead, you had to go out and buy enough patent leather to fashion custom knee high boots of your own, which for a man of your stature is going to require a lot of material.

This week's nemesis is the comma.  I tend to use them too often.  Much, much, much, too, often.  Thus, I have tried to teach my boys to leave them out when they are unnecessary.  Enter their new schoolwork and it's proofreading lessons.  My youngest son now wants to place a comma before the word and every time he writes it.  Meanwhile, I'm trying to decide whether or not to confront my oldest son's teacher about the need the enforcement of the pre-and comma.  But I think I'd better get him to stop throwing an extra one between the state and zip code before I pick that fight.

This week's lesson learned is that I should just get my comic book reading done at Barnes & Noble.  It doesn't matter how many titles I subscribe to, there are plot lines that I miss and i end up going to get the anthologies later on anyway.  I need to conceal my subscriptions and start hitting the graphic novel section at the reigning bookstore champ and save money.

This week's analysis finally details the difference between the major adult centered cartoons

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is, "The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded."

Thanks for reading.  I'll see you when I'm done watching The Avengers' bonus features.

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