It's time to dive right into the weekly features with the top five ways to celebrate Labor Day (there's still time left):
5. Play video games - The countries where these things are made, for the most part, do not have the same kind of labor restrictions that we do. So what better way to celebrate the time off from work by enjoying the fruits of someone else's sixteen hour days of labor?
4. Have a Jimmy Hoffa scavenger hunt - The first one to find the Teamster leader's remains wins!
3. Force your children (if you have any) to do chores - Child labor laws are just one of the many things of which Labor Day celebrates the institution. But that doesn't mean you can't make them sweat like little slaves around the house every now and then. Your grass is long and that car needs washing.
2. Ceremoniously place your white clothing into storage - No wearing white after Labor Day. This could also be interpreted as the burial ceremony of summer.
1. Relax - It's your day off. You deserve it.
This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is a real Plants vs Zombies pinball table. The virtual table will be released tomorrow for the Zen's Pinball FX2, but wouldn't it be awesome to play it on a real life table. Alas, the technology to have the undead rise form its tilted surface and shamble toward your flippers is just a little ways off yet.
This week's sign you are a nerd is that over 50% of the glassware in your home has comic or science fiction characters printed on it. I have fond memories of growing up drinking out of the Burger King collectable Star Wars glasses, complete with lad based paint. Now, as I break our grown up looking drinking glasses one by one over time (accidentally, of course) I have been replacing them with similar pint glasses with Marvel, DC and Star Wars imagery emblazoned upon them.
This week's nemesis is my giant fingers. If I had a dollar for every time I mistype something because my enormous fingers accidentally mashed several buttons on my keyboard at once I would have had seven dollars by the time I finished writing this gag.
This week's lesson learned is to check expiration dates. The food you swore must still be good will be prevented from tearing your stomach lining to shreds. The wait in the drive-thru will be less embarrassing when you don't have your coupons handed back to you and have to pay full price. Your driver's license will still be valid when you get pulled over. The dates are printed on these things for a reason. We ought to pay closer attention to them.
This week's analysis examines what we find in our Lego storage containers:
Aaaaannnnnd, this week's Star wars quote is, "Fear will keep the local systems in line."
Happy Labor Day. Thanks for reading.