Take That Extra Hour of Sunshine & Stick Where The Sun DON'T Shine

Tonight marks Daylight Savings Time. Remember to turn your clocks forward. You’re welcome.

As a kid, I loved this time of year. Spring was in the air. The end of the school year was in sight. Everybody seemed to want to start playing outside. It was a magical time of year and then, suddenly, you’d get an extra hour of daylight. How awesome is that?

Then I got older. It happens. Prepare yourself, it’ll happen to you too. You’re welcome.

Anyway, as I got older, high school and college age, this became the weekend where I lost an hour. Suddenly a Saturday night out got cut short. As I got even older, it was about the sleep.

One day, I got to thinking. Doesn’t happen often, but this particular day, I actually did it. I thought. Exciting, right? So, I thought and I realized that not everybody participates in Daylight Savings Time. Who is to say that I must? If other people around the world don’t have to turn their clocks forward, why should I? Is this not the land of the free? People came to this country from all parts of the world for freedom. Here, they are given freedom of religion and freedom of speech. Why is it so radical that one should want freedom of time restraints?

Perhaps I have ancestors who came from Burma or Iceland. In these, the lands of my ancestors (maybe they are, who can say they aren’t, I don’t have a family tree to show you, narc) they do not participate in Daylight Savings Time. In these far away lands, people sleep peacefully and consistency is valued. Why can I not decide to live by their way of life?

You want to know why? Because if I did, I would spend half the year being the jerk who shows up late to everything. Conformity is the name of the game. You may say, this is where you are now and we use Daylight Savings Time so get in line. Oh, so do I need to speak the same language or I’ll be kicked out? Do I need to have the same religion? I see no freedom here. This is oppression. I’m being discriminated against due to my way of telling time.

You may think it’s a good idea, but what is that supposed to mean for me? Ben Franklin came up with it, huh? Ben Franklin flew a kite in a thunder storm. Is that something you want to do too? Ben Franklin also wanted the turkey to be the bird on our nation’s seal. Lame. Nobody fears a turkey swooping in from above and gouging out their eyes with razor sharp talons. Nobody looks at a turkey with awe and wonder as it soars above their heads. Turkeys do not sit high aloft in a tree with regal posture. Turkeys are saggy.

So, go ahead and follow your lame, saggy way of telling time. Be a turkey. As for me, I’m going to be an eagle. I’m following my own path. Come Monday morning, when you’re all on your way to work, I’ll have an extra hour of sleep. Who will look like the jerk then?