Saturday, October 9, 2010

Hallow(ait for it)een

It is officially close enough to Halloween to begin participating in Halloween related activities. Been eyeing that haunted house? This is a good weekend for it. Have your rubber skeleton and the zombie that appears to pop out of the lawn ready? Go ahead and set it up.

I'm a staunch believer that you ought to be within a month of whatever holiday you are anticipating before and preparation should begin. The earliest Christmas decorations should start appearing is the day after Thanksgiving. Alas, I'm already seeing displays going up at stores. I don't care how big a fan of The Nightmare Before Christmas you are, overlapping Christmas ad Halloween is just sick and wrong. Knock it off, Target!

While I stand firmly on my timeline, insisting one be within striking distance of the holiday in question, what I'm preaching here is not subtlety or restraint. On the contrary, I think you should hold your excitement over Halloween in check until October 1st and then let it burst forth in all its glory.

Place gravestones all over your lawn. Hang that giant spider on the outer wall of your house. While you're at it, use that rubber skeleton, bloody him up and place him in the spider's fangs (wow, that just gave me a great idea for this year). Invest in that really lifelike talking zombie butler holding the candy bowl in his hand. Sit in a chair on your porch, in full horror movie villain costume, remaining prone and lifeless until trick-or-treaters venture close enough to ring the bell, then jump up from your seat and scare the candy they've already eaten out of them. I mean, I've never been that guy who takes it a little too seriously, but if you want to go there, you have my blessing (which I'm sure you've been waiting for).

Personally, I'm planning on getting my decorations out (most likely to include aforementioned man-eating spider), carving pumpkins (without baking the seeds, yuck), and venturing to the closest Six Flags for Fright Fest (if you've never gone, try it out; they really decorate the park well) soon. I might even get on iTunes and try to download some scary music and sound effects. Is a fog machine in order?

And maybe, just maybe, I'll pick up that bloody Jason hockey mask and sit in my chair out on the porch. But I'll save that for after Halloween. Forget the trick-or-treaters, I've got a bone to pick with the mailman.

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