Keep Something In Front Of You To Look Forward To

The last four days have seen no post because on Monday morning, I went off the grid.

I'm using Jack Bauer terminology, but what I did for the last several days was far less dangerous than anything featured on 24 unless you are ridiculously bad at handling fishhooks or insist on going into the woods after dark without DEET. I was on a fishing trip.

Since I'm nowhere near organized enough to prepare four posts ahead of time, you all got the shaft. I left you without any new posts since the last time I had wi-fi access. Perhaps I've left you with a craving that needs to be filled. Maybe you were sitting around with a void in your heart that my blog would have normally filled. Perhaps absence of my posts made your heart grow more fond of them. Or perhaps you realized that your life went on without reading this page. (Please let it be the void, please let it be the void.)

While you may have lived sans new posts for the last few days, I've returned with a gem. Yes, yet another unsolicited nugget of life wisdom from Transformer Generation Dad. Get your pen and paper ready or turn on your printer or do whatever you have to do to create a hard copy of this one because you're going to love it.

Maybe if I can keep the suspense building even longer, you'll forget I was going to tell you anything at all.

But seriously, I've devised an ingenious new method to taking road trips. Read carefully.

We all know that the drive to your vacation destination is far better than your return drive. You start out psyched that your getting away from your day to day routine. Each new mile comes with a feeling that trouble is in your rear view mirror. The anticipation as you pass landmarks that signify your destination is nearing builds to a crescendo.

On the other hand, the drive home is filled with the silence and solemnity of a funeral procession. Adventure now sits in your rear view mirror and trouble looms on the horizon. The relaxation and break from the monotony has ended. All you have to look forward to tomorrow is work. And really, who ever looks forward to work?

But what if excitement and anticipation were a part of your return trip? What if there was a way of making it home without ever having realized that's where you were headed?

The secret is this: Make every road trip a multiple location trip and start with the furthest away. That long first drive is tolerable. You're excited. Let it work for you. Drive as far away from home as you can, stay for a few days and then schedule short stops on your way back. The stops only have to be a few hours a piece, but leave an extra day or two on the end of your trip to fit these in.

Going to see the East Coast? Enjoy the lobster in Maine as you sit near the Atlantic and watch the waves crash into the picturesque lighthouses. On your way home, stop overnight in the mountains of New Hampshire or Vermont. Then wake up and hit Philly to see the Liberty Bell or Niagara Falls, depending on your direction. Once you start looking at your return path with this technique in mind, you will notice all sorts of opportunities that aren't that far out of your way.

This is the ultimate tool for the procrastinator. You will get to feel like your vacation is stretched out to the last possible second. You will inch closer and closer to home without having to acknowledge that the fun will be ending soon.

If you really want to make the final leg of your journey exciting, plan some sort of big party for the exact day of your return. See if you can somehow schedule it at a friend's house so you won't have to worry about cleaning up the next day. Then, fix the alarm clock in your hotel room so that you purposely oversleep. The adrenaline of trying to get on the road and make it to the party on time will make that last day of driving just fly by. You'll come rushing in the door, just in time for the bash and appreciate it all that much more.

This way, your vacation ends with you waking up, hungover, on the floor of your own house. Every moment leading up to that was a mad rush of anticipation. You left yourself always looking forward to the next thing until you ended up at home. Or a close friend's house.

(Note: If you are successful in staging the party at a friend's house, make sure they live very close to you)

As you stagger to the bathroom to prepare for your first day back from work, you'll see I'm right. It's all about looking forward to something and not dreading what comes next. Being well-prepared for work is overrated. Better to come skidding in sideways, looking like a mess. That way, you force people to ask questions about your vacation due to your physical appearance and you get to relive all the memories again via anecdotes around the water cooler.

Good luck, road trippers. Just remember to thank me when this works out swimmingly for you.