Lured To This Week's Features

This week's top five is my favorite fishing lures. Notice they are my favorite lures so that tells you that their success in catching fish has little to do with how their ranked.

5. Frog - It's nice to cast a weedless frog into the weeds and watch for something to zip out and take a bite at it. And if nothing does, you can just pretend it's a real frog and make it swim around for fun.

4. Spinner Bait - My dad and brother like these because of their success in attracting a variety of species. That makes me like them because I'm too lazy to switch lures very often.

3. Johnson's Weedless Spoon - My brother once found one of these under a porch and then caught a Northern Pike on it. My other brother caught his first muskie with one. Despite my lack of success, it carries fond memories.

2. Floating Rapala - This is the one lure I've actually had a lot of success with. It seems to be my go to lure for Largemouth Bass.

1. Beetle Spinner - My sentimental favorite because it was pretty much the only lire my grandfather would use.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is your own R2 unit. Not only would it follow you around beeping and squealing in a comic manner, but you would never have to worry about taking your car to a mechanic. Any problems would be taken take of as you drive.

This week's sign you are a nerd is your reaction to LeBron James' announcement. Instead of showing any emotions of calling a buddy to talk about it, you went straight to the last several years stats and tried to extrapolate which of the new big three would be the leading scorer. Then you crunched more numbers to determine the Heat's official odds of winning the title next season.

This week's nemesis is computer solitaire. It presents a constant distraction from the many other activities I should be participating in.

This week's lesson learned is not to roll your lawnmower over a metal pipe. Even if you really think you have the blade high enough to clear it, it's best not to take the chance.

This week's Star Wars quote is: "Don't you call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease!"

I will remind you here that there is not a weekly Chuck Norris joke because you all did not vote to include it in the weekly features. Don't blame me. You brought this upon yourselves.