Weathering This Week's Features

Hope everyone had a great Fourth of July weekend. In celebration of the independence of our nation, this week's top 5 is things that make America (not Ferrera) great:

5. Bald Eagles - These are some bad ass birds. And to think Ben Franklin wanted our national bird to be the turkey.

4. Rock n' Roll - Yeah, people from other countries rock too, but the best came here to do it right (see: The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who...need I go on?)

3. White Castle - Mmmmm...sliders. What would our country be without obesity.

2. Freedom of Speech - The fact that any schmuck can start up a blog and not be censored is pretty cool.

1. Baseball - America's pastime has spread worldwide, but began here. Any sport where you can sit on your ass and drink beer and only have to pay attention about 5% of the time is truly American.

This week's cool-ass thing you'll never own is LeBron James' contract rights. He's beyond your reach. Although, with the business-like nature of sports these days, I sometimes wonder if a modern professional athlete would agree to do something else for twice the money. "LeBron, the Knicks can give you $30 million/year for 6 years, but I'll give you $60 million/year for 6 years to tie my shoes for me everyday."

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you refer to anything you possess by its model number. The Atari 2600 is a prime example. It's just an Atari, okay? Everybody will know what you're talking about.

This week's nemesis is the bugs that occasionally end up floating on their backs on the surface of my pool. They're icky.

This week's lesson learned is that weathermen are clueless. Honestly, I think there really is the Doppler weather radar and these clowns just look at it and try to guess like you or I whether the stuff over to the West on the map is going to hit us or miss us. "Twenty percent chance of rain today." You'd get better odds by betting any specific major league baseball player was going to get a hit every time he came up to bat.

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is: "If this is a consular ship, where is the ambassador?" I think this is as angry as Darth Vader ever seems throughout the original trilogy.


Have a great week, y'all.