Deetly Features

Having returned to work after some extended time off through most of June, my sleep schedule has left less time for blog posts. That's my best attempt at why the weekly features are being posted on Monday this week.

If you're like me, you like to have something on hand during the summer to read while enjoying the weather. If you're even more like me, you like having something for your kids to read so that you can keep them quiet for a little while every now and then. Do you like killing two birds with one stone? Really? There's something wrong with you then. Why are you going around killing birds, you sicko.

Anyway, along those lines, this week's top five list consists of the top five Transformer Generation Dad recommended summer books for your kids and you:

5. Meanwhile - A flow-chart choose your own adventure book by Jason Shiga that isn't short on complicated details and where every choice leads you to a different telling of the story. The whole family can read it and each have a completely different experience with it.

4. Astronaut Academy: Zero Gravity - First Second Books has been publishing some entertaining kid-centric graphic novels and this is one of their latest. I picked it up after reading friend of Transformer Generation Dad, Jonathan Liu's review on GeekDad. It's wordy so it won't read as quickly as many graphic novels, but it's wordy in a humorous over the top anime/sci-fi spoof sort of way. It's random and funny and leaves you trying to figure the story out, making it a good summer read.

3. I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to be Your Class President - Josh Lieb's novel tells the story of a young boy who controls everything behind the scenes while portraying himself as hapless. You get to enjoy his attempts to gain popularity and social acceptance while claiming to need neither as he manipulates the lives of those around him in hilarious ways.

2. The Graveyard Book - A book about a young boy raised in a graveyard and under the protection of its ghostly inhabitants, this is a great book for young readers and adults alike. It hovers right around three hundred pages in paperback.

1. The Bone Books - With nine volumes plus a prequel, a handbook and two spin-off books, the story telling and artwork of Jeff Smith's epic graphic novel will give you and your kids plenty to keep you busy for awhile.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is a bantha. While slow and smelly, they are great work animals, able to pull heavy loads. They aren't particularly expensive going for a mere ten druggats on Tatooine, but the fuel costs to get out there and bring one back will kill you.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you sort your Lego bricks. Whether you choose to do it by size, style or color, the fact that you have taken the time to sit down and pick through each brick one at a time with obsessive-compuksive accuracy makes you a nerd. I picked up some office sized trash bins in primary color from Target if anyone happens to be looking for suggestions.

This week's nemesis is french fries. Aside from being disposed to disliking anything French (berets, body hair, smugness and Jerry Lewis movies), fries are offered with almost every single meal and it makes trying to eat better almost impossible.

This week's lesson learned is that a cold beer goes a long way to sooth a burn. Whether it be a sunburn or burn on let's just randomly say your forearm from grilling, and whether the pain to be soothed is physical or emotional, beer does the job.

This week's equation determines how many bugs you will end up swallowing this summer:

If we add the relative density of foliage in the area, meaning number of trees in a square quarter mile (d) to the area of standing water in your immediate area in square feet (a) and the time in hours spent either on a motor cycle or riding in a convertible with the top down (t) then divide that sum by the amount of deet you use in ounces (D) and then add that total to the average temperature in your area (T) and multiple that entire product with the average humidity percentage (h) you can calculate how many bugs you will inadvertently eat over the next three months.

This week's Star Wars quote is: "Get in there you big furry oaf! I don't care what you smell!"

As my sons spend their mornings feeding themselves since they are out of school and I don;t need to be awake to take them anywhere most days, we've been keeping cereal stocked in our home. That made me wonder what your favorite kids' cereal is. Is it Frosted Flakes, Froot Loops, Corn Pops or Cookie Crisp?

That's all for this week's features. Thank you all for reading.