Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Rediscovered Weekly Features

With the busy start to the summer, I am further behind than usual in updating our weekly features.  The good news is that my house cleaning and organization projects have resulted in my setting up my old Nintendo systems in my man-cave, so let’s begin with the top 5 Super Nintendo games I have rediscovered:

5. NBA Jam – Subsequent incarnations of this game never lived up to the original high flying, ball incinerating good time that the original held.  And all the old school players remind me of what the NBA used to be at its peak.

4. TMNT: Turtles in Time – The best TMNT game on a home console.  It’s just a shame the SNES could only accommodate 2 controllers.

3. Super Mario World – The flagship game when the new system was released is still one of the best Mario games of all time.  The cape was a great addition.

2. Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past – The last of the great “overhead view” adventure games.  This game also introduced a lot of amazing weapons and gadgets that continue to inspire future editions of the Zelda franchise.

1. NHL ’93 – The most replayable of all the games I personally own.  Any game that’s nearly 20 years old and can still make you sweat and make your thumbs sore must be amazing.

This week’s cool-ass thing you will never own is Wildfire, as featured in Game of Thrones.  Flash-grill your burgers.  Create a festive green glow.  Strike fear into the heart of your enemies.  Induce melodic screaming as your foes are scorched to death.  Is there anything it can’t do?

You have exposed yourself as a nerd this week if you know all the Skylanders while being over the age of sixteen.  Yes, it’s a great game and it’s designed to induce collection, but maybe you could turn your compulsive energies to something more age appropriate…like Lego sets.

My nemesis this week is the collective group of Cub fans calling for the team to sacrifice the future to win now.  I know that 100 years of futility is difficult to bear and I would like to see it finally turn around as much as anyone.  However, if you think there is anything they could do to make the playoffs this year, you fill the Cub fan stereotype of knowing very little about baseball.  There is a plan in place people.  Let Epstein work his magic.  A handful of extra wins this year will prove little comfort if they continue to suck for another 100 years.

This week’s lesson learned is not to flip through the Garbage Pail Kids book while eating stuffed pizza.  The gross and bloody ones will make you gag and the ones that are distorted or melted will force you to look at the cheese on that pizza in a much different way.

This week’s analysis is pretty straight forward.  In fact you would have thought I would not have needed to learn this one through trial and error:

Finally, this week’s Star Wars quote is, “I told you to forget it.”

Thanks for reading.

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