Monday, May 7, 2012

Scores of Weekly Features

The portion of my weekend that wasn’t spent watching The Avengers multiple times was spent reliving the glory that was watching The Avengers via discussions with my sons and other fellow fans.  However, watching the movie led me to a grave realization.

For all the special effects that have been added to super hero films, there is one thing that has all but disappeared.  The soundtracks of these films rely more heavily on popular bands creating music for them instead of an iconic orchestral score.  The memorable super hero theme songs seem to be a lost art and I, for one, miss them.  And so, I have decided to make the best of the super hero theme songs the subject of this week’s top five.

5. 1960s Spider-Man Television Theme – Its staying power has been proven by the fact that even kids these days can occasionally be overheard singing, “Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can.”  It gets the nod over the Batman TV theme only because there are more words than, “Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na, Batman!”

4. Incredible Hulk End Credits Theme “The Lonely Man”– There’s not a single piano score I would rather have accompany me as I walk sadly into the sunset.

3. Danny Elfman’s Batman Theme – The movie series that began with the 1989 film has all but been wiped from the memories of Batman fans with the success of the Christopher Nolan directed reboot.  This score remains recognizably Batman-esque however as a testament to its awesomeness.

2. Anvil of Crom (Conan the Barbarian) – He started as a comic book character, so he counts.  It has horns and drums a plenty and is the perfect song with which to ride into battle and anticipate the wailing cries of your enemies’ women and children.

1. John Williams’ Superman Theme – While I have never been a huge Superman fan, this is the best theme song ever in my opinion.  John Williams is a musical genius and I defy you to set your alarm to play this when you wake up and not feel you can accomplish anything in the coming day.

This week’s cool-ass thing you will never own is a Lego Shaun of the Dead set.  The incredibly realistic set of the Winchester, complete with customized trapped British pub goers to go inside and a zombie hoard to go out (also British) is not being considered by Lego despite its receiving 10,000 votes on the Lego CUUSOO site.  I can’t say I am surprised by this as the theme of the whole thing is a bit edgy for Lego, but it would have been awesome anyway.  Maybe you can get in touch with the man known as “yatkuu” and have him make you a custom one.

This week’s sign you are a nerd is that you have ranked all of the Super Mario titles based on their music.  This is something that will inevitably be done here to fill a top five list in the future.

This week’s nemesis is ping pong balls.  They seem to have minds of their own as they bounce away from the table top and manage to get behind the most inconvenient to move items of furniture.  Also, why does something that begs to be hit so hard at your opponent have to be so delicate?

This week’s lesson learned is to stock up on video game controllers whenever the chance presents itself.  Retro game console controllers are nearly impossible to find.  When you do track a set down, you are looking to pay out the nose for them on eBay and simply hope that the previous owner’s grimy hand filth isn’t permanently ground into the casing or that they haven’t written their name in permanent marker anywhere on it.  Really, how often did you bring your controller’s to a friend’s house without realizing which ones were yours at the end of the gaming session?  Now I am forced to field the question, “Who the hell is Toby?” anytime a buddy of mine wants to relive some childhood memories.

This week’s analysis helps you determine how many lines you might miss in the movie you go to see:

The number of lines missed (L) can be determined by taking the number of funny moments in said movie (F) and multiplying it by the likelihood on a scale form 1-10, 10 being the most likely, that the nerds in attendance have already seen the movie before and are now seeing it a second time in order to pick up on the things they missed the first time around (s) and then divide that product by the nerd appeal of the movie on a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most appealing to nerds (n).

This week’s Star Wars quote is, “Our first catch of the day.”

That’s all for this week’s features.  Thanks for reading.

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