The Early Bird Gets The Societal Nod

Although I wouldn’t call myself a morning person, I have to admit that once I’m out of bed, dressed and in the fresh air, I sort of enjoy being awake early. With the boys back at school, that’s what my days have returned to and I must begrudgingly admit that I think I’m better off for it.

Being awake earlier makes me feel like a better person. This may just be me buying into expectations, but when I sleep in, I feel lazy and guilty. I see myself rolling out of bed through the judging eyes of society. I feel as if I’m a jobless, unshaven, hobo who gave up on himself shortly after the rest of civilization did. I feel like the refrigerator I go stand in front of belongs to whatever friend of mine has let me crash on their couch for the last several months until I get my feet under me, but who has let me stay so long I’m now considered a legal tenant despite not paying any rent. As I squint my bloodshot eyes, searching for some cold leftover pizza for breakfast, and reach under my ripped Whitesnake t-shirt to scratch my belly, I am disgusted with myself.

On the other hand, when I wake up early, no matter how crabby I was to begin with, I feel like a productive member of society. I find myself waving at people, even slowing down as I pass casual acquaintances so that I can catch the moment when they make eye contact and say,” Good morning.” But I’m saying more than that. What I’m really saying is, “Look at me, everybody. I’m awake. I did it. I’m up and outside, like a good boy.” In a much more deeply hidden part of my psyche, this also disgusts me.

Don’t get me wrong, it takes a lot of work to get me out of bed. I hit the snooze button an average of four times every morning and, honestly, don’t usually remember the first two or three times. This chipper, wide awake me is not my natural self. As I said earlier, at heart, I am not a morning person. I think if I was able to hire somebody to get me dressed and into my car with a cup of coffee in my hand without waking me up until it’s time to start driving, that would make it easier. I might be a morning person then.

Still, my resistance to waking up is obviously my body telling me it wants more sleep. This isn’t something to be taken lightly. Sleep deprivation is a serious issue in terms of long term health so I wonder how I’m faring on that front. Of course, the easy solution would be to get to sleep earlier the night before, but that’s way too simple and I have a theory that something so simple can’t possibly be right. If life has taught me anything, it’s that everything is supposed to be difficult.

I think I’ve developed what my brother once described best as Sleep Inertia. You know inertia, the concept that a body at rest tends to stay at rest and a moving body tends to remain moving. When I’m asleep, I want to stay asleep indefinitely. Once I’m awake, I want to stay awake.

So, you see, no matter what it is I want to do, my body resists. My body doesn’t want to go to sleep early most nights any more than it wants to let me wake up in the morning. I think the solution here is to just stop listening to my body. Am I to live my life under the tyrannical thumb of my physical form? Am I not more than this earthly shell?

If my body continues to resist my will, I shall attempt to appease it with jelly donuts and beer. If it doesn’t fall in line after that, it’s asking for a serious beating. Wait…