In Your Collective Face

Two days ago, Duke won the NCAA championship against Butler. I watched it. Very exciting game. College basketball at its best. As exciting and interesting as that game was, I’d prefer to talk now about something far more exciting and interesting. I’m sure you’ve guessed by now what I mean is the results of my family’s NCAA bracket selections.

It was a tough fought tournament this year. There were upsets aplenty with but a single one seed making the Final Four. Predictions fell left and right like Persian soldiers at the hands of King Leonidas. Needless to say, this tore holes in most brackets that Rosie O’Donnell could walk through. Yet, in the end, only one would be victorious. I greatly appreciate all those who took part in the poll regarding who in my household would have the most accurate predictions. The breakdown of the results follows.

My boys seemed to have a knack for picking upsets with teams like Murray State and Northern Iowa winning in the first round. From there, however, their love for animals lead them astray. My 5-year-old had a Wildcat heavy Final Four including Villanova, Kentucky, and Kansas State. Maryland (he likes turtles) was thrown in there as well. My 7-year-old is still obsessed with Cardinals since playing t-ball for them and finding a family in our tree last summer. Louisville winning it all was a mistake that the rest of his bracket just could not compensate for. The two of them took fourth and fifth place.

My wife didn’t like the one seeds much but this actually served her well to a degree. She made startlingly well-placed predictions as she included Northern Iowa, Cornell, Washington, and St. Mary’s in her Sweet 16 round. At this point in the tournament, I was certain I was to meet my demise at the hand of her selection skills. However, in the end, she pushed her faith in Cornell and St. Mary’s a bit too far and liked the mascot of Oakland (the Golden Grizzlies, a 14 seed) a bit too much. She took third.

Whomever it was that made the single vote for my dog to place first was surely trying to be funny. As luck would have it, they were the closest person to being right beside the person who voted for me. I would like to have that person who voted for my dog make themselves known so that I may congratulate them. My dog’s loyalty to his fellow canines boosted him past my wife as he rode the Butler Bulldogs into the Final Four. The wheels came off his bus, however, when fellow four-legged friends like Georgetown (if only I hadn’t explained to him what a Hoya was) and New Mexico failed. He, ultimately, came in second.

And he came in second to me. HA! That’s right, I said it and I’ll say it again: HA! Despite having only one of my selected teams in the Final Four, I already had enough of a lead to sit back comfortably and enjoy the games without fear of embarrassment. Of course, I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing, losing to your wife, children or dog, or beating them and then bragging about it. Either way, I won. Nobody wanted to vote for me, but that’s alright, I did it anyway. In fact, nobody reading this right now did vote for me. I had but one vote and that was my own. Yes, I voted for myself in the poll.

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Come to think of it, I think I just answered my own question regarding what’s more embarrassing. I think I’m going to see if I can still return this trophy I bought myself. I haven’t had it engraved yet, so maybe I can still get my money back. At least store credit, don’t you think? I’ll take store credit.