Here's A Tall Frosty Glass Of Weekly Features

Welcome to the Sunday ritual of weekly feature updates. This week’s top five is Things To Do In My Backyard On A Sunny Day:

5. Read while enjoying a beer

4. Play ping-pong in the garage while having a few beers

3. Grill up some burgers and brats, which requires the consumption of beer

2. Lie in the hammock with my wife and a beer

1. Play baseball with my sons and enjoy a beer in the hammock afterward

This week’s cool-ass thing you will never own is the high score on my Super Mario Brothers game cartridge. Sure, I’ll let you join me for a retro gaming session. Yes, I would love to see how well you can still do at Super Mario Brothers. However, you better believe I’m going to be watching that score in the upper left hand corner. Should you come within ten thousand points, I may just accidentally trip over the power cord, dislodging it from the back of the console or inadvertently bump my elbow against the reset button. Sorry about that. I can be so clumsy.

This week’s sign you are a nerd is that you own more books than CDs. Although, with the prevalence of the iPod and the various alternate reading devices that are coming out, I suppose owning a ton of either will become increasingly rare. I remember the days when moving in and out of my college dorm consisted mostly of packing and carrying box after box of CDs. And cassette tapes. My kids don’t even know what those are for.

This week’s nemesis is my knees. Okay, grammar police, this week’s nemeses are my knees. There, happy? Anyway, you two villainous joints can’t let me be, can you? If one of you isn’t hurting, it’s the other. Try to hustle and pick up an errant throw of the baseball from one of my sons and there you are saying, “Whoa! Slow down, big guy. What’s the rush?” And once, just once, I’d like to be able to get up from a seated position without groaning like a ghost from an old Scooby-Doo episode due to the pain you cause me.

This week’s lesson learned is that sometimes, in fact, more often than you’d think, less is more. I’ll give you a few examples using the format less (blank) is more (blank). Less stress is more soothing. A less complicated story line is more likely to keep your children’s interest. Less talking is more relaxing. Less butter on your popcorn at the movie is more beneficial to your lifespan. Less beer is more boring-er. Fun! Now you try some.

Finally, this week’s Star Wars quote: “Who’s the more foolish: the fool, or the fool who follows him?” Obi-Wan really needs to write a book. Talk about your ghost writer.

Okay, cheesy jokes are a sure sign I need to cut it off, so, thank you for reading. Regular posts resume tomorrow.