Sunday, October 16, 2011

Weekly Features to Creep Out Young Readers

When it comes to the atmosphere of a holiday preceding its arrival, Halloween is probably second to only Christmas in my mind.  I tend to want to watch zombie movies, look at items around my home for their value as costume accessories or read something creepy.  Along those lines, allow me to provide this week's top five list in the form of books for young readers in these weeks leading up to Halloween.

5. Go Away Big Green Monster by Ed Emberley - A book for very little kids, one that you will most likely read to them, this includes parts of a monster that assemble as you turn the pages then disappear as you continue.  It teaches kids that they can get over their fears.  Then they'll be primed to go to that haunted house in the old jail down the highway.

4. In a Dark, Dark Room and Other Scary Stories by Alvin Schwartz - Short, classic, creepy tales that your young independent readers can read to themselves or to their friends.  Makes a good sleepover story book.

3. What was I Scared Of? by Dr. Seuss - Another book that teaches kids not to be so afraid by one of the greatest children's authors of all time.  I remember being terrified of the green pair of pants as a kid until I got to the end of the book.

2. Little Vampire by Joann Sfar - This graphic novel is actually a collection of three stories.  The first episode, Little Vampire Goes to School is the best of the three.

1. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman - The only full length novel of the list, it isn't too long and if your kids can sit through chapter books, it's a fantastic read for this time of year.  They will be enthralled by the exploits of a young boy raised by ghosts.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is Cerberus.  The most difficult part of owning a three-headed mythical dog wouldn't be attaching the three part chain around its necks or summoning it from the depths of the Underworld.  No, the biggest problem would be cleaning up after the massive, demonic hound.  Step in one of those piles and you'll have the odor of sulfur and brimstone following you around all day.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you have dressed up as any character from Star Wars for Halloween since breaking the age of thirteen.  Just accept it.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to attach the yellow piping to the side of my trousers.

This week's nemesis is Halloween candy that has been purchased too early.  It sits there staring at me, just begging to have its bag ripped open and devoured.

This week's lesson learned is to keep your bedroom door shut when trying to sleep during the day.  This goes double if you have kids and an iPad with Angry Birds installed on it.

This week's equation is:

The number of zombies you will have to do direct battle with in the event of a zombifying event (Z) depends on the number of corpses within a ten mile radius of your home (c, don't forget to count hospitals along with graveyards), the population density per square mile in your area (p, because this just adds fuel to the zombie fire as your one time neighbors are slowly turned into the walking dead, yearning for living flesh), the number of biochemical engineering facilities in your state (e), the percentage of covered and secured windows in your home (w, both to keep them from seeing you and keep them out once they detect your presence) and the amount of canned foods you have in your home (f, the less time you have to be outside, the better off you are).  Good luck and remember last weeks top five list should you need to do battle.

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is, "They'd be crazy to follow us, wouldn't they?"

That's all for now.  Was going to try and get a second post in today, but with the bears playing tonight, that seems unlikely (sad face).

Thanks for reading.

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