Monday, January 23, 2012

Is Kirby a Chicken?

There's a picture circling the internet, which I happened to see on the site where most of my insight into any world news not having to do with sports, cartoons and Lego comes from (I speak of Facebook, of course), that has disturbed a lot of people.  If you haven't already seen it, allow me the opportunity to show you the horrifying image:

So you are probably thinking, "What's so bad about that?"  You might be thinking it's some sort of insulating material or maybe even Play-doh.  I readily admit, the image is pretty innocuous on its own.  The repulsion comes after finding out exactly what you are looking at.  Ready for it?

Chicken McNuggets.

Of course this is pre-nugge-fication.

Not just McNuggets, but just about any type of chicken product that has been shaped into some sort of unnatural formation, like patties.  Of course, my readers were aware that nuggets, strips and patties were not shapes natural to the physiology of a chicken.  (You knew they didn't really have "fingers," right?)  But whether you were aware of the mechanical separation process that resulted in the ability to mold chicken into shapes (dinosaurs are my favorite) or not, it is still rather shocking to think that this is what a nugget looks like before it is presented to you in its more recognizable golden brown form and dipped in your choice of sauce (which, if you know what you're doing, ought to be honey).

People have been freaking out over this picture.  Some vow never to go near a McDonald's again.  Many wonder where the pink color is coming from (I will remind them that chickens, as warm-blooded animals, have circulatory systems which contain blood...just my best guess).  Still others are outraged by the alleged cleaning process (which includes an ammonia bath and rinse...allegedly) that follows this photo.  I am surprised more people do not wonder if a cardboard box is really the best storage method (at this point, notice the multiple other boxes stacked off to the right at the edge of the frame...I'm just saying).

But I wonder more than that.  I look at this pink mush and think of the untapped potential.  As a red-blooded (just like that chicken), cholesterol-laden American male, I am always looking for new ways to add meat to parts of my diet where it was previously untraditional.  Meatloaf has done wonders for my sandwiches (and helps me cut down on those unwanted carbs from the bread) and I have previously applauded KFC for using two pieces of fried chicken instead of a bun.  But this.  This is revolutionary.  I don't know how long it's been going on, but I have one major question?

Can I get that on a cone?

Seriously, the meat dessert option is suddenly a reality to me and I could not be happier.  As I live and breathe, there is soft serve chicken.  The only obstacle seems to be how we can bread it and fry it while allowing it to maintain its texture.

Yes, science, that was me, casting the die.  Your move.  Don't disappoint me.

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