"Captain's Log: Stardate...ah, who knows, those numbers never made sense to me anyway." The intrepid Captain Solo shifted in his chair at the bridge's helm. "We will soon be within range of the Empire's latest attempt to build its Death Star." He dropped the communicator to his side and then mumbled to himself, "Let's all hope it isn't fully functional yet."
"Captain Solo," came Uhura's voice from over his shoulder.
"What is it, Uhura?" he asked. He turned to look at his communications officer and glanced her up and down.
"I'm detecting something on the scanners. Something off in the distance, the size of a moon."
After taking her in from head to toe one more time, the Captain caught Uhura's eye and winked. Solo then leaned forward in his seat and squinted thoughtfully at the monitor. The rest of the crew turned and gazed in awe at what came into their vision.
"Thank you, Uhura, but that's no moon," Captain Solo announced.
"I have a wery bad feeling about this," said Chekov as he and Sulu exchanged a sideways glance.
"Mister Sulu, take us in slowly," Captain Solo commanded, then added, "Scotty, extinguish all exterior lights and divert full shields to the front of the ship. Maybe we can scramble any radar and essentially cloak ourselves."
"Aye aye, but you'll have to give me a minute. I'm still workin' ou' the details a the new gal. She's a bit more complicated than the model I'm used to."
In the dark of space, the Starship Enterprise continued forward. The Death Star grew larger by the second in the monitor and silence washed over the bridge. The silence was finally broken by the ship's science officer.
"Captain, I advise that we prepare the ship for evasive action," Spock deadpanned. "The fact that we have not been detected as of yet would seem to be the slightest statistical probability. Logic suggests that the odds are one million nine hundred thousand three hundred and eighty-two to one that we will be picked up by any one of that 'Death Star's' numerous tracking devices within the next minute should we continue this course of action."
Han Solo smirked, at first to himself, then held it for Spock to see as he swiveled his seat to face him. "Never tell me the odds," he said confidently before turning his attention back to the monitor.
As if on cue, the bridge came alive with sound. Lights flashed, warning sirens blared. "We have incoming Tie Fighters," called out Uhura.
"How many?" asked Solo.
"Too many to count. Possibly hundreds."
"Everybody hang on," Captain Solo urged. "Sulu, thrusters to full power. Let's try and power right past them and get a clear shot at that thing."
The ship rocked and shook. "We're taking direct hits one after another," Scotty shouted. "I don' know how much more she's got, Cap'n."
"Take evasive action," yelled Captain Solo. He watched in horror as the meeter reading for the front shields of the ship dropped visibly. Doctor McCoy leaned over the console to be sure that what he was seeing was true. Then he wheeled around and stared daggers into his captain.
"Dammit, Han! You knew this was possible. Now do something!"
"Sulu, shift into warp speed," Han Solo ordered, but no sooner had he given the command than two more blasts slammed into the Enterprise's hull. A great whining sound emitted from beneath them. Solo looked around nervously. "What's wrong?"
"It would appear the warp drive has been damaged, Captain," Sulu responded sullenly. "We cannot go to warp speed."
McCoy glared at Solo even harder.
"What?" Solo asked defensively. "It's not my fault." As he looked around him, he meet the stone-faced stare of Spock and repeated, "It's not my fault!"
Tie Fighters poured form the Death Star like insects and barreled down on the Enterprise, each firing wildly as they came. They zipped past the ship. For every one destroyed by a photon torpedo, seven more landed their own blasts.
"This is a waste of time," Solo cried out, frustrated. "Turn us around. We need to get some distance from that space station."
With the Enterprise soon headed in the opposite direction, dozens of Tie fighters in its wake, Uhura informed the captain of further bad news. "I have readings of several ships coming from the direction we are now heading," she said. "Star Destroyers."
"It's a trap!" chimed in Bones.
"I'm also getting a reading form the Death Star," she said. "There is a high amount of energy concentration near the station's...oh my."
"It's the super laser, isn't it?" Solo asked. Uhura only nodded in reply as Solo's attention whipped back forward to the monitor. "Take us right at one of them," he shouted.
"Captain," said Spock, "may I remind you that traveling directly toward a ship that is so much larger and equipped with that much firepower is highly illogical."
"Keep it to yourself, Poindexter. I know what I'm doing. We need to get out of the range of those Tie fighters and close enough to the Destroyers so that they won't risk firing that super laser at us. Sulu, pick one and take us right at it. I've got a trick up my sleeve. I used it once before."
"Yes Captain," said Sulu and he aimed the ship at one of the triangular behemoths. As his captain barked further orders, he followed them to the letter.
"Good, now around the back. Bring it in tight. Tighter. There. Scotty, activate docking mechanism then cut the power."
Without knowing how it happened, the crew was stunned to find itself attached to the back end of one of the Star Destroyers.
"There we go." Captain Solo leaned back and folded his hands behind his head. "Now we just wait them out. This Destroyer is bound to take us closer to the Death Star and then we'll just disengage and float right in for the kill."
"Amazing," Bones muttered as he looked around the darkened bridge in amazement.
"Since we have some time to kill, I'm going to hit Ten Forward. You're all welcome to join me." With that, Captain Solo triumphantly lifted himself from his chair and exited the bridge. The rest of the crew looked at one another, unsure of how to react. Eventually, all but Spock followed him.
The captain and his crew shared drinks and laughed at the bar for sometime.
"You should've seen my last ship," Solo bragged. "She wasn't much to look at but she was the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy."
"You say it was wery fast," Chekov commented, "but just how fast could it be?"
Solo leaned forward on the bar, looked directly into Chekov's eyes and said, "Faster than anything you've piloted, Pavel. It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs."
Chekov looked to Sulu and they both shrugged.
"I still don't understand how you ended up with us," Uhura said. "We were all told we would be placed aboard the new Starship Enterprise and be accepting a new mission with a new captain, but we haven't been told yet how you ended up here."
Han Solo slugged back his drink and slammed the glass on the table. "It's a long story," he began, "but if you're up to hearing it, I'll enlighten you. It was a long, long time ago in a galaxy far..."
Suddenly the captain's communicator crackled to life. "Captain Solo," came Spock's voice. "In defiance of all logic, your plan appears to have succeeded. At your command, captain we are prepared to detach from the Star Destroyer and should be in perfect line to deliver a proton torpedo directly into the station's energy core."
Solo smiled to his crew. "We'll finish the story another time." he lifted the communicator to his mouth and told Spock, "We'll be right up."
Once back to their stations in the bridge, Captain Solo wiggled comfortably into his chair. "Scotty, undock us."
There was a loud clang as the Starship Enterprise detached and began to float away from the Destroyer.
"Mister Sulu, if you would right the ship and take us into firing position."
It was done within seconds. All eyes were on Solo and he smirked confidently again. "I love it when a plan comes together."
"What?" asked Bones.
"Nothing," shook off Solo, "wrong show. Fire photon torpedoes!"
Two torpedos left the ship and found their way true to the heart of the Death Star. As the Starship Enterprise turned and began to speed away from the Empire's space station, a great number of explosions began to burst inside, culminating in one great blast.
"Yee-Haa!" shouted Spock and all eyes turned to him in shock. "It seemed the logical response," he said after clearing his throat.
"Vhere to next," asked Chekov as the Starship Enterprise cruised through deep space, having once again saved the universe.
"To a planet we need to take a look at," Captain Solo said. "It's called Skaro. An old friend told me there's a species arising there that may cause us some trouble in the future."