Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I Have An Empty Plastic Water Bottle And I'm Not Afraid To Make You Use It

I learned a valuable lesson from the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie and the original Iron Man. That lesson is to always stay through the end credits. I actually went to see Iron Man a second time with my older brother just to see the secret scene at the end which I’d missed the first time around.

So, when I went to see Iron Man 2 (see previous post for a full review), I knew I was staying to the very end. My sons, however, didn’t realize this.

They stood up to leave and I stayed put. My excitement to see the inevitable scene after the credits was undaunted. I was certain there would be some sort of teaser for what is to come from Marvel.

But while I was glued to my seat in anticipation, my sons were insisting that we leave.

“Daddy, come ooooonnnnn!”

I tried to ignore it at first, because there was no way I was missing this. I thought if I sat with a smile on my face, they would absorb some of my positive energy. When that didn’t work, I said, “Don’t you want to see the extra scene?”

They didn’t care.

“We wanna leeeeeaaaaavvvvveeeee!”

I pondered standing and dragging out the process of gathering items. Maybe if I conceded that we would be leaving soon, they would accept the gesture. Then I thought that would just show weakness. I stayed put and stared at the screen. I was not losing this battle.

Have you ever noticed how long the end credits to a movie are? If you haven’t, I suggest you sit through them with a six and seven year old in your vicinity, whining that they want to leave. When one of them starts doing the pee-pee dance and pulling on your sleeve, it will become painfully obvious how many people it takes to produce a major motion picture. Especially one with considerable CGI. It seems every computer generated character has its own full set of credits. I think they even have personal assistants.

Still, I held fast. I waited in my seat. When the Teamsters and other assorted logos began to scroll upward form the bottom of the screen, I knew the end was in sight. I leaned forward and blocked out the two kids on the verge of tears to my immediate left. Then, the big payoff came.

This is not a spoiler.

I will not tell you what I saw. I will tell you that it was awesome. I will tell you that I gasped audibly in a crowded theater more than once and did a double fist pump into the air with a YES! not caring about how big of a nerd I was revealing myself to be. I will tell you that I had tears in my eyes just like my sons as I finally stood to leave, but that mine were tears of joy. I will strongly advise you to sit through the credits, ladies and gentlemen. You will not be disappointed.

Had both of my sons peed in their pants while I waited to see this final scene, I would have gladly apologized to the usher for their accident. He would have been puzzled, I’m sure, by the unembarrassed smile that remained on my face as I left the puddle of urine behind for him to clean. It would have been worth it.

No comments:

Post a Comment