No Thanks, Captain Picard, I'll Read It Myself

During a recent visit to the bookstore, my wife and I found ourselves in the audio book section. There were an awful lot of books available in this format. The one I was most impressed with was a Stephen King novel. Not because the story looked good (I must admit I didn’t even read the synopsis and cannot now remember its title) but because it filled thirty CDs.

I know there are also audio books available for download on iTunes. This would make a lot more sense to me. I know if you’re going to listen to them in the car, the CDs are just fine, but are you really going to pull out the old CD Walkman and listen to one of these some other time? Do you not own an iPod or some other digital media device?

On top of it, most of these books seemed to deal with being powerful and influential in business. The first piece of advice on the CD version of one of these is probably: “Go buy an iPod because you look like a cheap, out of date loser sitting there with a CD player in your lap.”

Despite the overwhelming variety available, the audio book movement was never something I could get on board with. One reason is that I don’t think I could listen to the same person’s voice long enough to hear them read me a book. Even if it were someone cool like James Earl Jones, I think I’d get sick of it. Then Star Wars would be ruined for me too. Also, I would half expect them to change their voices for the different characters as if they were one of my parents reading me a bedtime story as a toddler. Or, worse, if the reader did perform multiple voices, I’d feel like I was listening to Little Orphan Annie or hearing the slow paced satire of the smoosh-faced Garrison Keillor.

Perhaps a better reason I never bought an audio book, however, is because I like seeing the words on the page. It works better for me. I remember what I read because I scanned the words with my own eyes as I said them in my head. If there was a line I liked or even one that confused me, I could go back and reread it immediately. I can place my own emphasis and inflection on the dialogue and add my own imagination to the voices of the characters. All of this is lost if the book is read to me by Patrick Stewart.

There exists a third reason that I can’t quite justify, but exists nonetheless. I like holding what I’m reading in my hand and turning the pages manually. Maybe it’s just a comfort thing and what I’m used to, but the ability to dog-ear a corner or scribble a note in a margin carries a certain magic with it. I’ve noticed that I read more intently when I’m holding a paper product in my hand.

Newspapers have made me realize this. I understand that they are all dying with the prevalence of the internet and stories being at our fingertips instantly. I know you can pull out your phone, skim the headlines and, with one touch, read the rest of any story you choose from just about any newspaper around the globe. Still, I read less of the paper that way. I used to get one of the local papers delivered. I would flip though it and read nearly half the articles. I saw the headline and there was the text right beneath it, so my eyes took me there.

On the internet, it just isn’t the same for me for some reason. I certainly know how simple and fast it is to get the rest of the article on my screen, but now I just read the headline and move on. If I said I read one full story for every twenty headlines, it would be an overstatement.

I wonder if the new tablet readers will change this. I don’t currently use any of them, but they seem pretty popular. Perhaps I’ll start reading the newspaper the old way on a Kindle, Nook or iPad despite the fact that every single one of those names annoys the crap out of me. Maybe this will be the way my children are most comfortable reading within a few years. I’m not sure where technology will take us or if it’s even more environmentally responsible to go this route (which I’ll wager it is).

I will tell you one thing, though. The people who designed these products all tried to make it seem like there is a real book in your hands and you’re turning real pages. There must be something to that.