Prepare To Eat Foam

There are plenty of toys that I encourage my sons to play with and ask for as Christmas and birthday presents so that I can play with them too. I usually make a point of stopping in the toy section at Target and talking up the items I want to get my hands on.

This method has worked pretty well so far. They have a pretty nifty Lego Star Wars collection. I can simulate Darth Vader’s raid on the Tantive IV, the battle of Endor, an X-Wing versus Tie Fighter dogfight, and any scene that took place on the Death Star. Marvel super heroes are a staple of their toy drawer. My six-year old has so many different Super Hero Squad versions of Iron Man that I…I mean HE could create his own hall of armor. I get to play the latest Mario games and Nintendo DS games under the guise that I need to help them through a few tough levels.

“Might as well start my own save file and play through the game on my own, just so I can be experienced enough to lend aide if necessary.”

As time goes on, they have also developed their own toy preferences. I have no interest in playing with their Mighty Beans or Bakugan…stuff, but it’s fine by me that some of their toys don’t interest me. I don’t discourage them from buying any toys (except girly toys, no dolls) I just steer them towards the ones I like when I can do so without pressuring them too much.

“You could get that single package of Bakugans, or you could get these three Lego sets. It’s completely up to you.”

I thought that I was at a point where the toys we shared interest in were set for good. I didn’t expect to add any more members to this exclusive club. That was before my youngest son’s class birthday party.

He received a rather large box from one of the kids and opened it to discover the Nerf N-Strike Longshot CS-6. This particular gun is taller than my son, has a sniper scope on top, a bipod stand, an extending stock, and a magazine that holds six darts. It was the most amazing Nerf gun I had ever seen. Instantly, I regretted not keeping up on the development of Nerf weaponry for all these years. The small pamphlet contained within its box only served to pique my interest even more. Images of me and my boys staging epic battles with one another across the backyard danced in my head as I saw the other impressive guns and rifles. I immediately began thinking of excuses to buy more Nerf guns for them.

Hmm…Fourth of July gifts maybe? It’s America’s birthday, we should all get presents!

Research into the catalog of Nerf N-Strike products also revealed accessories. You can buy extra 6-shot magazines, a 32-shot drum magazine, extra darts and night scopes. You can even buy a bandolier. I can see myself now wearing two crossing bandoliers full of Nerf darts.

My new summer project has become battlefield development. I need to clear the backyard of any unnecessary clutter. Yet, at the same time, I want to leave some items strewn around to use as shielding to make potential battles more strategic. I’m thinking a small fort or clubhouse ought to be built. Perhaps there should even be one in each corner of the yard with a sort of capture the flag layout in the middle. Basically, I’m going to try and make my backyard look like a paintball course. Maybe I could even get a junk car and push it into the middle of the yard.

I see a lot of potential for something to go wrong here. I don’t mean the rusted out hunk of metal I want to put in my yard. I mean my obsessive nature when it comes to this sort of thing. I’m not proud to admit that the few times I’ve gone paintballing, I have gotten way too into it. I want to have fun with my sons, but I need to be careful to draw the line at some point. I think if I can manage to keep myself off the garage roof in a gully suit, things should go smoothly. It ought to keep me out of the ER at least.