Sunday, May 2, 2010

Sweet! Weekly Features Are Back

Sunday means it's weekly features time!

This week's top five is little league candy:

5. Flying Saucers - These things were basically communion hosts (let's all share a big laugh, Catholics) with sprinkles on the inside, it was more about the experience of eating them than it was the taste.

4. Big League Chew - Nothing like taking an innocent childhood experience like chewing bubble gum and making it more like chewing tobacco. If only Joe the Camel had been on the package, then it would have been irresistable.

3. Lemonheads - I don't know about you, but once that sweet outer layer was gone and the sour stuff on the inside kicked in, I usually had to stop whatever I was doing and concentrate on not sucking my own face inside out.

2. Laffy Taffy - No bite-size pieces here. I'm talking about the foot long, two by four bars of the stuff. The hard part was eating it fast enough so that the summer sun didn't make it melt and wilt in your hand.

1. Swedish Fish - The best part was making the poor kid working the stand count out a hundred of them when you coughed up a dollar.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is a roller coaster. A real, most of the passengers screaming and holding their hands up coaster.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you can write out the value of Pi past five decimal places. You're either doing way to much geometry in your spare time of you are way to anal about the results of the unavoidable geometry you're doing.

This week's nemesis is the charcoal smoke that makes me look like I'm crying while I try to grill up some red meat. While it's true that the deliciousness of red meat has brought me to tears before, the smoke is very uncomfortable.

This week's lesson learned is that you should probably but the trampoline safety fence up and follow all the safety guidelines. Once you turn around to discover a kid on the ground crying who, seconds before, was on the trampoline, you'll get my drift.

For the Star Wars quote of the week, I went back to my old friend Ben Kenobi. "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck.

Regular posts resume tomorrow. Happy May.

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