My New Favorite Word

I'm proud of myself today. I have invented a new word. I expect it to catch on like gangbusters (do the cool kids still say that these days, gangbusters?) and revolutionize the English language. It will save time and energy by combining several words into one. It will also provide you with the perfect adjective to describe people who you had previously been unable to adequately paint a visual picture of to your friends. Using this word will open a window to your soul through which something that was captured and locked away inside you has been released.

Without any further ado, I present to you the word in the form of the following mathematical equation:

Greasy + Sleazy + Cheesy = GREEZY

And there you have it. You now have the perfect way to describe someone who combines all three of these offensive personality traits. It could be momentarily or it could be part of their permanent make-up, but no longer will you have to choose between one of these three words to describe someone.

Perhaps this requires further explanation...and illustration.

This is Mickey Rourke as Whiplash in Iron Man 2. He is greezy. How exactly? I'm glad you asked.

His hair, skin and clothing are greasy.

The tattoos, highlights in his hair and constant exposing of his "man-jacks" are sleazy to say the least.

If you saw the movie, you noticed his character's toothpick and Russian accent. The toothpick thing is very cheesy. A Russian accent by itself is not. However, when you pronounce bird as board with an extremely heavily rolled "r" that's just plain cheesy. Come to think of it, the fact that this guy even had a pet bird was cheesy. Who does he think he is? Beretta? And if he does, that only goes further to the point that he is cheesy.

Thus, Mickey Rourke's character, Whiplash, can be accurately called GREEZY.

You want more examples you say? I thought you'd never ask.

Notice the comb over. Greasy.

Observe the leering, licking of the lips, his pose and the quote. Sleazy.

And hopefully the things that make him cheesy are already jumping out at you. I'll give you a hint. They're yellow and green. If you don't know what I'm talking about, remind me never to attend a formal occasion with you. Bowling would work, though. Let's bowl sometime.

But there are so many more examples. So many possible new uses to this new term. I doubt any of you will understand its true significance until you start using it. It'll be like the VCR or the washing machine. You never realized how much you needed this in your life until you started using it every day.



Just think, what word other than greezy could so perfectly describe the following people:



Exactly. I think I've made my point.

You're welcome, world. Use my gift to you wisely.