Where There's Smoke, There's Fire(flies Being Massacred)

It has been said that the biggest influence upon a child’s behavior is the behavior of their peers. We can’t pick all of our kids’ friends for them, but this is important to keep in mind when trying to monitor their activity. There will be certain kids in your child’s life who you may need to keep an eye on.

It would be nice to try and have a set of guidelines by which to identify such individuals. There are all kinds of checklists for identifying other problems, so why not friends with undesirable personality traits.

You are in luck. Once again, I have stumbled through the dark, expansive void that is my mind and stubbed my toe on a gem of wisdom. I shall now share it with you.

Keep your kids away from any kid who purposely kills lightning bugs (or fireflies depending on your preference).

We all knew a kid growing up who did this. Maybe they just killed all bugs instinctively. Maybe they liked seeing the bioluminescent glow streaked across the sidewalk for a moment. Maybe they had a lightning bug up their nose as a baby and were traumatized by it. I am here to tell you that, regardless of the reason, these people are no good.

Think about the people or person you knew who did this. Where are they now? What have they done with themselves? How many times have they been incarcerated or appeared on the Jerry Springer Show? Trust me, you’ll start to notice a pattern.

If your child tells you that a friend of theirs kills lightning bugs, start slowly distancing them from that friend. Do your best to come up with conflicting activities during that particular kid’s free time.

Sorry, they can’t come over today because we’re making our weekly batch of Jell-O together. It’s a family tradition.

It’s a slippery slope from killing one of nature’s coolest living things to a life of crime. I mean, really, what does it say about someone that they can so carelessly destroy one of the most iconic childhood memories of all time with no remorse? This has killing spree written all over it. Today it’s lightning bugs, tomorrow it’s a bird. Next week it’ll be the neighbor’s cat and before you know it, it’s the homeless people living under the tracks.

Okay, so maybe squishing fireflies doesn’t mean the kid’s going to become a serial killer, but it certainly can’t hurt to keep an eye on this one. Everybody else gets a fork to eat their cut up hot dog with, while that one gets a spoon.

That edge is plenty sharp for you! I'm sure you'll learn how sharpen and shank somebody with it in just a few short years!

Should you choose not to follow my advice, that’s fine. Just don’t come crying to me when the little runt you let your kids invite over disappears with your wife’s jewelry and a bottle of prescription medication. A little arson might even be in order to cover his tracks, you never know.

Remember I said, “I told you so.” That way, I won’t have to repeat myself.