Sunday, November 21, 2010

Give Thanks For Weekly Features

The week of Thanksgiving is upon us. It's no coincidence that TGD could stand for Transformer Generation Dad or Thanks Giving Day (or Dinner). It is one of my favorite holidays.

Each year, I have a full day. I eat, drink, watch football, eat, drink, eat, eat, watch some more football and then eat. Plus, my sons have an extremely short school week so I get spend extra time with them. I am truly thankful for all of this. I am also thankful for all of you loyal readers and I plan to reward you now by updating our weekly features.

Our top five is Thanksgiving side dishes:

5. Corn - I'm not one to worry about vegetables on the year's greatest day of eating, but you gotta have some corn, whether it be on the cob or in your mashed potatoes. It's so versatile.

4. Sweet Potatoes - Mashed with a little butter and brown sugar. Delicious. Plus they add a little color to your plate.

3. Stuffing - To this day, I have no clue what all the ingredients are, but it's good and that's all that matters.

2. Mashed Potatoes - My grandmother happens to make the world's best and they will take up approximately 33% of my plate.

1. Gravy - Yes, due to the volume used, I am considering it a side dish on its own. You can put it on turkey, stuffing, potatoes or drink it straight. Is there anything it can't do?

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is a flying car. Not because they don't exist either, because they do. Sure, it's no Back to the Future 2 Delorean, but if you have 350 large burning a hole in your pocket and you want an extremely ugly car you will never use, just follow this link.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that one of your favorite Thanksgiving traditions is pointing out to your relatives that, while turkey contains L-tryptophan, an amino acid which is known to induce drowsiness, it doesn't contain enough to make you drowsy on its own and the post-meal lethargy everyone is experiencing is more likely a result of overeating. You just have to use science to point out what fat asses we are, don't you. It's no wonder Uncle Hal always leaves early.

This week's nemesis is the Detroit Lions. I remember watching them play on Thanksgiving maybe once in my lifetime in a relevant game. They suck so bad every year, yet they get the guaranteed Thanksgiving game. Why?

This week's lesson learned is that you can save time raking leaves from your front lawn if the neighbor downwind of you hasn't raked their leaves yet. Just let them blow over and leave it for them to clean up.

This week's equation is designed to help you prepare for the inevitable weight gain after Thanksgiving dinner. W is the weight you will gain, m is the total mass of food on your plate, s is the number of servings you take, v is the number of servings of digestion aiding vegetables you consume a d is the number of different desserts you can't help but sample.

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is from C3PO: "Thank the maker!"

Thank you again for reading. Next time, bring your friends. Everybody's welcome here at Transformer Generation Dad's table.

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