This Year, Show Your Loved One You Care About Them By Buying Yourself Something Nice

Surprising your loved one on Valentine’s Day can be difficult. If you plan on going out to dinner or having flowers or chocolates delivered, all you need to do is plan far enough ahead. These aren’t the most original ideas, but I respect tradition, so props go out to all those who are taking their significant others out for a romantic evening.

However, those of you who decide to put a bit more thought and effort into your sweetheart’s gift selection might find keeping your gift of choice secret prior to the big reveal tough. You finally found that Snoopy Snow Cone Maker that your girlfriend always talks about using with her siblings when they were little, but the mom and pop toy store that it was available from online is going to charge you $832 in shipping and handling in order to send you the $20 gift on the exact day you need it. Choose a standard shipping method and you have no way of guaranteeing its arrival date. She may intercept and open the package before you do or it may not arrive on time. Suddenly, your plans to give an untraditional gift that displays how closely you listen to the stories she tells over and over again are in jeopardy.

There is a method that you can use that would give you the upper hand in this game of lovers’ surprises. The trick is to order yourself items on a consistent basis. I suggest you make sure a package or two arrives for you every month. That way, your gift’s target will not suspect anything when a package suddenly arrives and you walk off with it without saying anything.

I order a box of Lego Minifigures every now and then, a collectable action figure or several graphic novels. When you are questioned about what’s in the box, go into excruciating detail about how excited you are that the Captain America Marvel Legends Icons 12-inch figure has over thirty points of articulation. Go on for as long as she’ll listen, pulling up your eBay account to show her the gory details of the bidding war you were in with fanboy397 and begin searching for the same item from other sellers and explaining that the version you have has his mask in place which makes it far more valuable than the unmasked Steve Rogers. If you need to, drop some history on her and mention how the Toy Biz manufactured figures are far higher quality than the later generations produced by Hasbro. Be sure that by the time you finish she will have learned her lesson not to ask what it is you bought yourself ever again.

In fact, just because she may become more suspicious around the middle of February, it’s good form to make an even higher number of self-centered purchases than average. A great way to throw her off is to arrange for her gift to arrive in the same package as something else you’ve bought.

“What is it, honey?” She’ll ask as you retrieve the box from your front porch.

“Just needed a few things,” you’ll say nonchalantly, but that won’t be enough.

“Is it something for me?” she’ll say coyly with the intention of making you give the gift enclosed within to her early, yet still expecting more on Valentine’s Day (you’ll already be able to envision her cute, pouty-lipped disappointed face when you explain she already forced you to give her her Valentine’s gift and how the card with your heartfelt sentiments as penned by Hallmark and the “I love you” isn’t enough).

At this point, had you not used the suggested technique, you have a choice to make. You can either stiff arm her like a Heisman candidate and rush past in order to hide the box before she can grab it or accept the fact that you will need to find and order another gift and pay $3,000 for next day shipping so that it arrives in time to replace the gift you just gave her. But you, clever reader, planned ahead per my suggestion and you’ll tear the box open right in front of her and confidently produce a package of size 14 tube socks.

“All mine have holes in them,” you’ll explain as you hold them up for her inspection. She’ll never suspect that the skimpy lingerie you hope she’ll wear Monday night rests just underneath in the very same box.

So good luck with your surprise plans this year. I’ll have to put together a lot of Lego sets that I’ve had delivered for myself this year just to keep my wife off the scent of what I bought her. Such is the burden of love.