Monday, February 21, 2011

You Can't Have Too Much of a Good Thing...Until You Have

Sometimes, being a grown man involves practicing self-restraint. I try to avoid doing this as often as possible as my ramblings regarding trips through the toy and video game aisles of my local Target can attest, but every now and again it becomes a necessity.

Recently, while attempting to put some folded clothes away (another thing I try to avoid as often as possible…that is both the folding of clothes and the putting away of them) I realized that some self-restraint needed to be administered by yours truly. Immediately.

It has come to my attention that I have too many t-shirts. That is a statement that I never thought myself possible of making, but I have realized that I have so many that I sometimes find myself coming across a t-shirt I have not worn in over a year. I get to the bottom of a drawer and see an old friend staring up at me and I remember all the cool places I have worn it. Then I am overwhelmed with guilt by the fact that I have left it to wallow in obscurity at the bottom of said drawer, crushed under the weight of the t-shirts that have been the recipients of my attention more consistently. You can only imagine the guilt I feel over this.

Thus, I have vowed to never put my cotton-blended friends or I through this ever again. I have instituted a 2011 ban on purchasing new t-shirts for myself. I will not bestow my favor upon newer shirts while these old friends who have put in their time wait and hope for the day they will be pressed against my hairy chest again, knowing that day may never come.

Admittedly, there are a lot of more important things I could ban from my lifestyle. I could vow not to buy new Lego sets until the old ones still sitting in boxes are built. I could establish a ban on eating cookies for breakfast (not Cookie Crisp, though, because it is an important part of a nutritionally balanced breakfast). I could swear off pop/soda or lower my sodium intake. I could decide that I have been too quick to cast judgment upon others and vow to take the time to be more open and accepting of the behavior and life challenges of my fellow man. But the t-shirt ban seems difficult enough, so I’m going to just use this as a stepping-stone to better behavior.

Maybe come 2012, if I haven’t bought a new t-shirt (and the world doesn’t end as per the predictions of the Aztec calendar) I will be inspired to create all kinds of other changes for the better like exercising more often or eating brussel sprouts. Until then, the t-shirts are the closest I will come to making a positive life change. Yay, me!

Please note the language I chose at this point because I chose it very carefully. I specifically said that I will not purchase new t-shirts for myself. I will, of course, still gladly accept any gifts in the form of t-shirts. Also, should the opportunity arise to get a free swag t-shirt, this is perfectly within my self-imposed guidelines.

Thank God for loopholes.


  1. I live with someone who shares your penchant for t-shirts. Due to lack of space, he has had to establish a one in, one out policy. If he brings a new t home, he has to choose an old t to send off to Goodwill. I try to assure him that it will have a very happy life with someone else.

  2. This sounds good, in theory, but having to choose a t-shirt to get rid of, even to a good cause, would scar me emotionally. I just don't think I'm strong enough to make such a decision. Have you ever seen Sophie's Choice?