Sunday, August 21, 2011

Avenging Weekly Features

As summer comes to a close, I find myself beginning to reflect back on the blockbuster movies that have been released over the past few months.  However, I am a futurist, a forward thinker like Tony Stark and Reed Richards so shortly after I begin to contemplate the movies of this past summer, I begin to look forward to the movies of next summer.

Who am I kidding?  Obviously, I dwell on the past.  I still play with my NES and encourage my sons to play with retro toys.  But, for the purposes of this week's top five list, let's pretend I always think about the future while I list the top five Avengers I wish would appear in next summer's upcoming Avengers movie:

5. Wonder Man - Sort of a generic superhero when you think about it, but when I think of the many Avengers over the years, the W on the sweater and the sunglasses always pop into my head.  Plus, he would be an easy enough movie introduction.

4. Doctor Strange - Only made a member of the Avengers in recent years, it would be cool to see the group have someone with talents in the mystical arts on their team.  If Marvel does decide to use Doc Strange in a film, however, his character probably deserves his own title.

3. Black Panther - The mysterious nature of the technological genius/amazing athlete dealing with the responsibility of his people's fate was always pretty cool to me.  If the 2012 movie does well, I could definitely see him entering a sequel.

2. Giant Man & Wasp - They get one entry because you can't really do one without the other.  Not to be sexist, but perhaps Hank Pym could be included without Janet van Dyne, but since they were founding members of the Avengers, it would be nice to see them in the movie.  I have yet to hear anything suggesting they will be included, however.

1. Vision - One of my favorite Avengers of all time.  If they put him in a movie down the line, they better keep the scarlet face and the green and yellow outfit.  They can lose the cape if they insist.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is a pack of attack dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you.  Homer Simpson's original ingenious idea would be the ultimate in home security, but all the scientists currently dedicated to the genetic engineering of such dogs have yet to create a viable prototype.  The problem is that the dogs keep eating the bees in their mouths.  At least that's what happens with the scientists that I've employed.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you have more than one book in your home that has been signed by its author.  Randomly ending up in a bookstore and buying a book while the author is there is one thing.  Why not get the book signed?  But if you're like me, you have purchased books at conventions (particularly graphic novels) and have conversed and gushed over the authors as they offered to sign it for you.

This week's nemesis is grass.  It just keeps growing.  Even the brown patches.  And it seems to grow extra fast on the weeks it knows i will not have time to cut it for a few extra days.  What the hell is up with that?

This week's lesson learned is that simplifying the motto "stick up for yourself" by saying instead "if someone hits you, hit them back" doesn't necessarily work on a seven year old.  You might find yourself in the middle of a fight where each kid is accusing the other of hitting them first.  Even if your kid didn't hit first, they might take this as an open invitation to knock the crap out of some other kid on a technicality.

This week's equation displays my mathematical proof that there is no truth behind the statements "liquor before beer and you're in the clear" and "beer before liquor and you'll never be sicker."

In this set of statements, b = beer; l = liquor; c = clear; s = sick(er).  There you have it.  Cheers!

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is, "It's an older code, sir, but it checks out.  I was about to clear them."

That's all the features that are fit to be updated this week.  Thanks for reading and please participate in the Perplexus giveaway if you haven't already.  Have a good week.

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