Monday, August 8, 2011

Weekly Features Chock Full O' Randomness

After a busy but fun weekend, I ought to get back to my responsibilities and provide you with the weekly features.  While they will be far more random than last week's features, which revolved around the shark theme, our first feature still has the hangover stink of Shark Week upon it.  It is the top five things that we learned during Shark Week 2011:

5. Bull sharks are roid freaks - The fact that the bull shark has the highest testosterone levels of any animal on the planet causes be to now imagine them as professional wrestlers or the home run kings of the nineties and early years of this century.  But if I had to pick an animal that looks most like Barry Bonds, I'd have to go with the beluga whale with that monstrous forehead.

4. Most shark attack victims survive - While I realized that the likelihood of being attack by a shark was quite low, I didn't realize how high a percentage of the victims survived such attacks.  If their kill rate was a batting average, they'd be shipped down to the minors.

3. Gorging on dead whale has an odd effect on sharks - Apparently very full tummies get their special parts all in a tizzy.

2. Reenactment blood looks just as gross as real blood - Even though the shark attacks shown on the various shows were reenactments (due mostly to legal reasons, I would imagine), the bloody injuries sustained by the actors playing the real victims were still pretty horrific looking.

1. Don't watch shark documentaries prior to swimming - Even if you're in a pool, you're mind will go there.

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is Avengers' Mansion.  It took billionaire Tony Stark to purchase it and equip it with all the super-awesome gadgetry and I'm willing to bet your income doesn't quote meet his.  Wouldn't it be great to just hang out during the time when you aren't saving the world with all your superhero buddies.  I hear Thor's a bad drunk though and Hawkeye totally hogs the bathroom.  Still, it would be pretty cool.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you have been disappointed during a conversation before when you found out someone was talking about MMA when you thought they said MMO.  I'm personally not a huge fan of the mixed martial arts craze and think massive multiplayer online games will outlast it, but that's still pretty nerdy.

This week's nemesis is seasonal beer.  Just as I get into a certain flavor and want to make it a standard in my fridge, the breweries up and change their line-up.  It's impossible to buy enough to last until the season rolls around again too because you'll either have to buy another refrigerator (which I would be willing to do) or allow the beer to get old and skunky (which I cannot abide).

This week's lesson learned is to don protective eyewear while edging or trimming your lawn.  You never know when that pebble the brat down the street threw into your grass, an errant twig that those sons-of-b****es squirrels knocked down onto your front lawn or, God forbid, that bit of dog poo you missed it going to get kicked straight up into the air off your chosen lawn manicuring utensil and head right for the old peepers.  It's best to be proactive to prevent injury and/or infection.

This week's equation is:

And, this week's Star Wars quote is: "It's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs."

Thanks for reading.  Please check back regularly as we will have some special goings on here during the month of August, including thought on my sons returning to school, the continuation of our on going story and an upcoming giveaway made possible by a very generous toy company.  No details yet, you cheeky monkeys.

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