Our Geek Tournament has provided me with constant amusement since it began. It has also provided me with a constant excuse for not being as productive as I should be regarding other matters. Alas, the time has arrived (and has already claimed its luggage and has been waiting at curbside pick-up for a few days now) to refresh our weekly features.
Since I'm tournament obsessed, let's begin with our top five list which consists of my favorite team nicknames from this year's NCAA tourney. Bulldogs are boring, wildcats are worn out and tigers are trite. I like the following more unique names best...
5. Wichita State Shockers - Original and, I'm sure, perfectly harmless when they selected the monicker, but the term has taken on a different meaning over the past several years and the newfound inappropriateness of this name in now undeniable. I've even seen photos of the cheerleaders making the hand gesture. If you still think the name is innocuous, you probably think that gel at the pharmacy gets its name from being made in Kentucky (Get it? No? Think state abbreviations. Yeaaaaah, there you go). If I wasn't trying to keep this site PG-13, they might rank higher.
4. Western Kentucky U. Hilltoppers - Very unique and rather uplifting. Better than their name, however, is their mascot, a big blob who resembles a red version of Grimace. Viva la randomness!
3. South Dakota State Jackrabbits - When it comes to animal team names, the Order Lagomorpha is grossly underrepresented. Even Rodentia gets more love with Beavers and Gophers. Kudos to South Dakota State for breaking new ground.
2. St. Louis Billikens - A Billiken looks strange, but the story of its origin is even stranger. During the early part of the twentieth century, the Billiken was a toy fad that was meant to be a good luck charm. It caught on for a while and a particular coach at the university happened to resemble the elfish looking toy. Thus, this team got its nickname due to someone busting the coach's balls. Classic.
1. Crimson - Not the Crimson Tide, mind you, which is an absolutely terrifying nickname in my opinion. It makes me imagine a great sea of blood washing over everyone. Maybe that sort of horror is what they're going for. No, I speak of Harvard. Their nickname is their team color, crimson. There is no time for creating some clever nickname. Get back to your studies!
This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is your own baseball field. A large expanse of grass isn't enough here. I mean a dirt infield, backstop, bleachers and lights. Of course, maybe you plan on creating one in your cornfield with your savings. If you do, I will be jealous while I try to fight other parents for field time this summer.
This week's sign you are a nerd is that you wear a medical face mask and rubber gloves around your home during flu season. I know having it sucks, but don't you think this makes the infected portion of you family feel a little degraded? But you don't care do you? You're a step away from going full E.T. containment suit.
This week's nemesis is influenza. Not only does it turn my normal easy going, cool sons into whining sniveling mucous factories, but it causes days at a time to get sucked into nowhere as my wife and I just try to keep fluids and medicine in them.
This week's lesson learned is to check the weather forecast before scheduling your team's baseball practice. Rain is not ideal for Little League baseball. Building character is one thing, getting struck by lightening is another.
This week's analysis is a well known formula. I found out from GeekDad that Robert Boyle, father of chemistry and creator of Boyle's Law, was Irish. So consider this my late tip of the cap to the irish for St. Patrick's Day and celebrate with me the equation that demonstrates that, given a constant value (k) of pressure (p) and volume (V) of a system and gas contained within it, the pressure and volume are inversely proportionate.
Finally, this week's Star Wars quote comes from thus far successful Geek Tournament contestant, Han Solo: "You like me because I'm a scoundrel."
That's all for this week's features. As always, thanks for reading.