A Fresh Supply Of Features

I have a long list of school supplies I need to purchase for my sons this week. That got me to thinking about all the different items I had to equip myself (or have my parents equip me) with in preparation for a new school year. With the fresh batch of supplies, there always seemed to be so much potential.

This leads me to select the best school supplies ever as this week’s top five list.

5. Protractor – I don’t remember using this more than a handful of times once I got into geometry, but it was one of my favorite words to say for years.

4. Elmer’s Glue – The distinctive orange cap and all the sticky messes between my fingers bring back memories.

3. Crayons – When you speak of potential, perhaps nothing carries more than a brand new box of sharp, unused crayons.

2. Pencils – The good old #2s. It was fun sharpening them and having them ready to go. They even smelled good.

1. Compass – Going hand in hand with the protractor, it was another seldom used device during class, but I used to doodle and draw circles with it all the time on my own. Knowing I had a deadly metal spike in my pencil case at the ready was also pretty cool.

This week’s cool-ass thing you will never own is your own band. Not one you play in, but one that plays your theme song as you walk in the door from work and head to the couch. These would also be handy to get you out of long conversations as they could just start playing quietly and force you to say, “We’re out of time for now, but it was great talking to you. Come visit the show again some time.”

This week’s sign you are a nerd is that you have attended a comic or sci-fi convention. I was at my first the other day and, believe you me, there was nothing but nerds as far as the eye could see, yours truly included.

This week’s nemesis is NFL Preseason Football. Each year, I get so excited that pro football is back and get treated to this mockery of sporting events. You get to see your team’s starters for about ten minutes of play, just enough to still wonder if they’re going to suck or not this year and you spend most of the game crossing your fingers that nobody suffers a freak injury.

This week’s lesson learned is to make sure you put the recommended chemicals into your pool every day. You’re trying to swim, not stock a fishing pond.

In this week’s equation T represents a theme park, s is space in square miles, r is the number of safety regulations and t represents teeth, all resulting C which is a carnival:

And this week’s Star wars quote is: “You may dispense with the pleasantries, Commander. I’m here to put you back on schedule.”

That’s all for now. Thanks again for reading.