Rage, Rage Against This Week's Features

I apologize for the delay on this week’s features, but when trying to pack as much enjoyment as possible into the waning hours of my kids’ summer vacation, soetimes I’m kept away from a computer. On that note, this week’s top five is, things I need to squeeze into the last days of summer vacation:

5. Lego cabin completion – In July 26th’s post, I mentioned we would be undertaking a Lego project. It sits now on the table, about 75% built. We ran out of roof pieces and need to harvest the Lego collection in the basement to finish it off.

4. Six Flags – While we’ve gone often enough to more than pay off the cost of the season passes, my sons just gained enough courage to try one of my favorite coaster on our last visit, so I want to go back and ride it with them again.

3. BBQ – Having people over for grilled meat and beer is one of the best possible ways to tell the hot humid weather where it can stick it. And while I’m all for continuing to grill in cold weather, there’s something more special about doing it in the heat of summer, so before August is over, I need to squeeze in some more grilling.

2. A concert – I have yet to hit one this whole year, which is just wrong, so I might as well make it a summer concert. Nothing like standing in a field and listening to live music that causes you to be oblivious to the fact that your being eaten alive by mosquitoes.

1. Long weekend road trip – Whether fishing, site-seeing or water park, my sons’ school schedule will only allow for long weekend trips on days when all the schools are off and everybody is hitting the good vacation spots.

This week’s cool-ass thing you will never own is the first issue of Spider-Man. I should say, the first comic book issue that Spider-Man appeared in, which is Amazing Fantasy #15. A quick search on eBay showed this baby going for $8,000 from one seller and $44,000 from another, probably based on condition. Either way, I don’t think anyone out there is going to be spending enough money to buy a copy that was dropped in a puddle of coffee, much less a mint condition version. But we can dream, can’t we?

This week’s sign you are a nerd is your need to correct the use of the word seen. When someone tells you, “I seen it,” you are compelled to say, “Saw it. You saw it,” which you try to say politely and for the person’s own benefit, but just comes out as extremely condescending.

This week’s nemesis is my dog. Whether it be waking me up in the middle of the night because he’s afraid of the thunderstorms or pooping in the one single place in the yard that I have the most difficulty reaching (he likes the privacy that being under the trampoline affords him apparently), my little four-legged friend is getting on my nerves.

This week’s lesson learned is to tell your kids exactly what time their friends are going to be heading home and give them a few time’s-almost-up warnings. Otherwise, you’ll get the, “Awwwww, five more minutes,” plea for about fifteen minutes. This is made worse when they just started a new game of something prior to the time in question.

This week’s equation explores how beer consumption is directly related to your kids having friends over to the house:

B is amount of beer needed, measured in fluid ounces.
k is number of kids, total, in your home
v is the volume in decibels the kids are speaking at
t in the length of time, in hours that the kids are there
h is the time in hours that you have already been awake that day

Our Star Wars quote for this week is an homage to one of my favorite story-telling techniques, foreshadowing: “If the Rebels have obtained a complete technical reading of this station, it is possible, however unlikely, they might find a weakness and exploit it.”

Keep enjoying summer. It’s not over yet. As Dylan Thomas once wrote, Rage, rage against the dying of the light.