New Features, Loyal readers

A day late on this week’s features, but better late than never.

This week’s top 5 is my preseason Super Bowl picks. I personally guarantee these picks which will mean less to you the better you know me:

5 – Indianapolis Colts: While you can never count Peyton Manning out, I think the rest of his team is on the decline and the league has figured out how to play against him a little better. Still, they snuck into the 5 spot.

4 – New England Patriots: I don’t want them to win seeing as they’ve done their share for the new century already, but Tom Brady is playing with a chip on his shoulder.

3 – New Orleans Saints: I hate picking any NFL team to repeat because it’s such a difficult league to do it in, but I don’t see them losing much from last year when they won it all so I can’t bring myself to put them any lower than 3.

2 – Green Bay Packers: As much as I hate this, they look good. I will not say any more because they don’t deserve it.

1 – New York Jets: Ok, I know everybody and their grandmother’s dog are picking this team and maybe I’ve just been watching too much of HBO’s Hard Knocks, but I think these guys are on to something. I tried my best to put somebody in front of them, but my hatred for the Packers and my staunch belief that defense wins championships in any sport left me with everybody’s sexy pick on the top of the heap. Sue me.

This week’s cool-ass thing you will never own is an NFL team. The league is so popular and generates such amazingly high revenue that you couldn’t even sniff the price on the Lions right now. Of course, if you’re able to afford season tickets for decent seats at the current ticket prices you’re awfully close to buying your own team anyway. Hell, doing so might save you money.

This week’s sign you are a nerd is that you take offense to somebody calling the graphic novel you are reading a comic book. It’s got pictures and words on every page so while it’s technically a graphic novel, you can’t blame anyone for the confusion.

This week’s nemesis is my pool. While I try to squeeze two more weeks of life out of it, it tries to collect algae. Armed with chemicals, my son’s snorkel and an old toothbrush, I’ve managed to clean it out. Still, then the pool just sits and taunts me, knowing what a pain it’s going to be for me to drain it when I do decide it’s time.

This week’s lesson learned is to let your dog outside quickly if he’s whining at the back door. The older the dog is, the more likely you’ll be cleaning something off the floor if you don’t get to him soon.

This week’s equation is:

N is a novel, f represents fight scenes, d is for drawings, p is for pretentiousness, and G is graphic.

This week’s Star Wars quote pays tribute to my methods of Super Bowl picks: “Never tell me the odds.”

Hope everyone’s doing well and enjoying the new school year. Thanks for reading.