Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Mother-load of Weekly Features

This week's features are laden with references to motherhood in honor of Mother's Day, though some of them are categories that I couldn't think of anything appropriate for. But it all starts, as usual, with our top 5 list which, this week, is the top 5 motherly gifts...

5. Food - Whether via umbilical cord or after a day of slaving over the stove, your mom has more than likely provided you with all sort of nutrition throughout the years. Since this is not only heartwarming, but essential to survival and growth, moms deserve a lot of gratitude for this.

4. Compassion - She could have easily just let you cry in the crib, but she didn't did she?

3. Support - It takes a lot to act impressed by your scribbled crayon rendition of a mushroom which you insist is a helicopter dropping off troops. And how well do you think you would have performed at any of your sports if she hadn't dropped you off and picked you up?

2. Life - Don't think of it as a technicality. That nine months of sustaining your vitals in the womb that she preformed is important.

1. Love - The most important of all. Your mother will always love you, no matter what you do. How many other people can you say that about?

This week's cool-ass thing you will never own is a Rancor. When pesky visitors make unreasonable demands of you, like returning droids or kidnapped friends, you can drop them into the pit and watch them duke it out with a giant beast. It's practical and entertaining...but expensive...and imaginary.

This week's sign you are a nerd is that you crafted a Mother's Day present at some point in your life out of one of the following media: Lego bricks, and Erector set, Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, Robotics, Capsella, or any other building toy.

This week's nemesis is infield dirt. Just when you think you can sit and enjoy your kid's little league game, the wind shifts and a puff of microscopic stinging annoyance invades your eyes and mouth, leaving your vision blurry and your teeth covered in grit which you will end up tasting still three innings later when you try to eat that concession stand hot dog.

This week's lesson learned is to try your best to get your kids on the same little league team. The convenience of same time practices and games cannot be overstated and is well worth a bribe to the league commissioner.

This week's equation is self-explanatory and a way that my wife and I used to explain to our sons why the best tasting food is the worst for you:

Finally, this week's Star Wars quote is a warning from the Jedi Counsel to a young Anakin, but something that your mother would probably like to see happen more often: "Your thoughts dwell on your mother."

That's all for now. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there and thank you for all that you do.

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